My Friday night. . .

My friend Danielle and I were talking and she asked me something along the lines of "Do you feel old for your age?"

I know I am only 22 but I do feel old. It's Friday night at 9:38 pm and I am home - and I like it. My Friday night started with my brother and I going to my favorite brew pub, Hopcat. If you get there before 6, you can get a burger, beer, and crack fries for $6! It's a steal! (Also, apparently Hopcat is a really big deal in the beer drinking world. It's rated 3rd best beer bar in the world by beer advocate and I highly recommend going if you are in the area)

So, I was done with dinner at about 6:05. Picked up some goodies at the grocery store and hung out with my brother till about 8:19. Then I talked to the boyfriend on the phone for a little while (more about that later - in a future post) and now I am blogging.

Here is what is on my mind:

Number One: I am tired!

Number Two: I put my hair like this to avoid the mullet look. For some strange reason I thought you should know that.

Look at this cupcake I bought at Meijer! It was beautiful and only $1.49. I don't care if you think that's a lot for a cupcake - it's a work of art. About 2 seconds after took these photos, I ate it and too be honest now I have a sugar headache. Or it could be from the chocolate wine. . .

Did I say chocolate wine!? I meant to say ChocoVine! This stuff is delicious! If you like chocolate and wine, you will love this! To be honest, it tastes a bit like chocolate milk with a special kick. You gotta try it if you haven't - it's only like 10 bucks a bottle and it is worth every penny!

So this is my Friday night. Now, I am going to scrub off this make-up, take off these brain-sucking pig tails, and crawl into bed to read my newest book:

A Million Miles in a Thousand Years.

Goodnight world - don't have too much fun without me.

Maybe I'll "feel" younger or even "my age" next weekend. But for now, I feel old.

Now, let me go drink my chocolate milk wine and eat my second cupcake like an old person.

My difficult struggle with growing out my hair

I have officially decided to grow my hair out. I have had (cute, adorable, sleek, stylish) short hair for too long. This is really hard because I adore my (cute, adorable, sleek, stylish) short hair and hate (awkward, mullet, ugly) medium length hair. It all started last year (perhaps earlier) when I watched The Bachelor and I saw Gia's hair:

Gosh, it's beautiful! I saw how she was able to flip it and run her fingers through it (it was SO sexy!) and I thought "I want that!" So, I tried to get that and failed. I always fail. I go back and forth and back and forth and it always ends with me at the salon telling Braden (my hairdresser) "O what the heck, I love it short! - Let's do short again!" I will even drive to the salon thinking "No! I'm growing it out, get just a trim Annie!" And then I walk into the salon, pull a John Kerry and flip flop. And I walk out with cute short hair (and happy too).

Until recently when I overcame the hardest part of this year long battle of trying to grow it out: I went to the salon I told Braden just a trim please. That was 2 weeks ago. Now, it's in this awkward mullet stage and I HATE it. I can't stand it. I want to run into Braden's arms and scream "cut it all off!" -But I don't do that and here is my motivation (and why it's so hard).

Motivation:

I love this hair so much that I set it as my background on my laptop. I could have hair like this! My hair is a bit lighter in color but my hair is that thick. This picture is my light at the end of the tunnel. I can go through the awkward mullet phase because I can have this. I am determined to be patient.

For those of you wondering "what's this awkward hair stage Annie keeps talking about?"

Here's the best photos I could find:

I realize I am wearing a scarf in both photos - that's because I was trying to hide my mullet. But do you see what I mean? It's awkward and it gets worse after it grows a couple more inches. Look how cute I am with short hair!:

In both photos my hair was so easy to style. I mean, look at me! I look like an angel! O gosh, I'm already flip flopping again. To stay on topic, here is some more unmotivation:

My hair didn't even look good when it was long! But than again, look at me - I had a middle part, no layers, and no bangs. What was I thinking!? I could've been so much better looking! (Also, in case you were wondering why my hair looks so dark, it's because sunlight has made my hair much more blonde over the years. Booooo sunlight!)

But here's some motivation:

It's looks awesome pinned up. Okay, I don't know that yet but I can guesstimate that it will. I am so excited to put it up for formal events and play with it. O gosh! I miss playing with my hair. So I guess the awkward mullet journey of my life will continue. Here is a look at my future:

Please still be my friend.

But ya know what!? I'm going to do it. I can do it! I hope I can do it. . .

No flip flops!

I'm a vegan!

Read about it:

(click the picture)

Snail mail is love.

I love getting letters in the mail. There is something so personal and lovely about getting a hand written, heart felt letter. I love opening the mail box, seeing the letter, rushing inside so I can put my stuff down, sitting down, opening the envelope, and reading the letter. There is such a rush to it- an emotional high. Then, you can keep the letter forever in a special place to be looked at again in times of loneliness. They are love that is always there for you, just waiting to be re-read so your heart can feel warm again.

What has been on my mind. . .

I broke up with my boyfriend. That's been on my mind a lot recently. But even more on my mind is Jesus and God. All of sudden, I feel slapped in the face with reality of what it really means to be a Christian woman.

I'm reading two books right now that are really transforming my thoughts. They are Bittersweet by Shauna Neiquist and The Thrill of the Chaste by Dawn Eden. I love these two books.

Let me share with you one of my favorite sections of Bittersweet. This is a chapter about being 25, when "you are young enough to believe that anything is possible, and you are old enough to make that belief a reality." In this particular section Shauna is talking about relationships and when is it wise to leave one (it's lengthy, but trust me it's good):

"Now is also the time to get serious about relationships. And 'serious' might mean walking away from the ones that don't give you everything you need. Some of the most life-shaping decisions you make in this season will be about walking away from good-enough, in search of can't-live-without. One of the only truly devastating mistakes you make in this season is staying with the wrong person even though you know he or she is the wrong person. It's not fair to that person, and it's not fair to you.

My friend Chrissie and her boyfriend were together for ten years, since college. He's a great guy, but throughout their relationship, several people had told Chrissie that they observed a fundamental mismatch. They didn't fit together at all. But she stayed, out of love and hope and commitment, and then he proposed. And they just couldn't get the wedding planned. They couldn't agree on where or when or how many people, so they stopped planning for a while. In the meantime, she went to South Africa with a group from our church to work with AIDS orphans, and while she was there, she felt alive and full of purpose for the first time in years. When she returned her fiancé wasn't all that interested in hearing about it.

All the things her friends had been saying for years clicked into place, and a few weeks later, she gave back the ring. She's literally like a new person these days, full of bright energy, hope, clarity. And those things are worth a whole lot more than a diamond from the wrong man, even if he's a really good man, like this one was."

-From Bittersweet by Shauna Neiquist (pg 87-88)

I have read this section so many times, I almost have it memorized. I'm not going to get into the nitty-gritty of why my boyfriend and I didn't work out, but this section really encapsulates the idea of why it couldn't work - two puzzle pieces that just didn't fit together.

I feel brighter, healthier, and more "glowy" than I have in a long time. I am really searching and seeking out truth. The Thrill of the Chaste is a book about how to be a single woman and still find fulfillment. I am learning that I shouldn't define myself by what I lack, but what I have. Here is another quote:

"A woman with the courage to step into the unknown, risking temporary loneliness for a shot at lasting joy is more than 'single'. She's singular. Instead of defining herself by what she lacks - a relationship with a man - she defines herself by what she has: a relationship with God.

... A singular woman bases her actions on how they will enable her to be the person she believes God wants her to be. If she longs to be married, she trusts that God has a pan for her and that a husband is a part of that plan."

- From The Thrill of the Chaste by Dawn Eden (pg 29)

I love this. I really need to focus on the idea of trusting God and building my relationship with Him before I start to build a relationship with a man. Yes, I think this could be lonely for a while but God is something that is so much bigger than any man I will ever meet and I need to find Him first.

yes, today is a new day

Health Kick

I've been on a health kick recently.

It feels good, it feels REALLY good. Sometimes I feel like everything around me is telling me to be healthy (media, journal studies, friends, professors, doctors), and now I can say "yep, I am doing my best". No more inner guilt from eating crap food or being lazy. It's almost easier to eat healthy and exercise than to make excuses for eating crap food and being lazy.

I have to be honest: I feel a little guilty writing this now - this past weekend, I ate a lot of bad food. The boyfriend came to visit and it was all downhill from there. We play the blame game on who's idea it was to get taco bell. twice.

It's part of the reason I decided to write this entry because I felt so bad after eat crap food. I felt sluggish, lazy, tired, and fat. It was bloody awful. It really reminded me of why I am striving to eat healthy.

So, today I started fresh and learned from my weekend. I feel way better when eating healthy, fulfilling foods. I'm not completely convinced that working out makes me feel better. Well, I feel stronger, but it doesn't make me happy. It's an internal debate.

I found this in another blog and thought I would share:

10 Ways to Good Health

1. Less alcohol, more tea.
2. Less meat, more vegetables.
3. Less salt, more vinegar.
4. Less sugar, more fruit.
5. Less eating, more chewing.
6. Less words, more action.
7. Less greed, more giving.
8. Less worry, more sleep.
9. Less driving, more walking.
10. Less anger, more laughter.

I really like this. It's good wisdom.

I don't know. I'm just trying to figure out the key to being healthy. It's hard. Why do I indulge in Taco Bell when I know it makes me feel like crap? Why is it almost unnatural to be healthy? - Shouldn't it be easy?

Well, here's some advice I know for sure: eat fruits and vegetables before they go bad.

I'm back!

and better than ever!

In recent news. . . I've started to work out! Shocking, I know. But it feels so good! Okay, I've only gone 3 times, but I'm making it mandatory that I go 3 times a week.

Why am I doing this?

Because I am 22 years old and out of shape. Seriously, being out of shape sucks. I get out of breath after walking up 2 flights of stairs. THAT IS RIDICULOUS. I'm only 22! I am sick and tired of not being 'fit'. I am scared to take my required gym classes at school because everybody else is going to be more in shape than I am. Ug. It's ruining my life.

BUT NOT ANYMORE!

I'm working out. I'm going to get strong and healthy and it's going to rock! yeah!

So because of my new commitment, I bought new workout pants, a sports bar (I have never bought one of those before), and a small ipod shuffle (which I got for FREE, thanks Chase Freedom Credit Card!).

You probably think I am really excited about this?

Not really. I hate working out, it sucks. Why should I spend my time getting hot and sweaty? There are a million other fun things to do out there. My face gets all red, and I don't know how to get rid of my damn panty lines or prevent a wedgie from happening on the elliptical. But as much as I hate it, I'm going to bunker down and do it. Because to quote my favorite music artist: "I want to be stronger than yesterday."

Future me.

Americans Make Goals

Why do I feel the need to always be accomplishing something? Americans make goals. Maybe I shouldn't stereotype - I make goals - and "to-do" lists. Lots and lots of to-do lists. I must always be accomplishing something, otherwise I feel guilty. Now, I'm not saying to do lists are bad, but they create themselves around me until I am trapped within them. A prison of things to do. I am trapped, so I take a seat and procrastinate because I am overwhelmed by the high walls of my to-do list.

I am trying to recognize what really gives me pleasure in life and focus on those things. I like the small things in life, but I rarely focus on them because I am so focused on my lists. I'm done making to-do lists for the sake of accomplishing something. My planner does a good job with that. I'm just going to do what needs to get done right away and live my life.

SAY NO TO PRO! (CRASTINATION)

Life is really good. I stopped making to-do lists and cleaned everything. Because that was on the to-do list for months. Now, I just have to keep up by putting clothes in the hamper and taking out the trash.

Okay, I just realized that I am the biggest looser because the last couple entries were all something you would see in a "Real Simple" magazine. I'll give you an update that a little deeper:

I need more God in my life. I don't know how. I miss my old church a lot. I miss people that understand me when I talk about God the way I do.

I'm going camping in two days. I love camping.

I need more friends in Grand Rapids. I watch a show on PBS about how the secret to happiness is good relationships.

I'm excited for school to start. (Ha, tomorrow is my last day of summer school and I'm already excited for the fall school year. Me = Nerd)

I love to dance in the mirror.

AHHH. EWWWW!!!

The Happiness I Find In Solitude

I love this video. Before you read this blog make sure that you watched that video. I believe it's slowly changing my life.

Here is why I love it:

It encourages me to be go out and do things alone. That is very simple. But I don't do it. I realized that being by myself in public - purposefully doing things alone makes me happy. Maybe it's the other half of me that claims I'm an introvert but I get some sort of resounding peace and confidence by being alone.

I feel lazy if I am home and alone with nothing to do. I don't know why I haven't thought of going out and doing something about it. I feel sluggish and end up on facebook for 2 hours and then I am so completely pissed that I wasted a perfectly good night on the internet. And I do the same thing the next night. It really does piss me off. I hate the internet sometimes (I'll have to blog about that latter).

I use to do so many things by myself, and I loved it. I had to ask myself, what changed? And I realized that it was the purchase of my car that forced me to ignore my longing for solitude. I drive from one place to next, always in some sort of hurry - even if hurrying is not necessary. I hate that. Why can't I stop and smell the roses? Instead, I speed and run yellow lights on a daily basis just to get where I'm going the fastest.

Before I bought my car, I use to ride public transportation. I really had a hate/love relationship with the bus system (It should be noted that I rode it for about 8 - 15 hours per week). I hated it because it's public transportation, but I kind of liked it too because it forced me to have so much solitude with strangers. I read a lot of books and listened to many songs while riding. Not only did I have wonderful experiences while riding, but waiting as well. Sometimes I would have half an hour to kill until the next bus would come and that would give me a perfect opportunity to go and explore. I was a photographer then so I took many pictures during that time too.

In conclusion, I am going to give it a whirl. I am going to purposefully spend some time alone doing what I want to do. I have already started. Today I read for an hour and a half in a park that overlooks a portion of downtown Grand Rapids. I loved it. I love the freeing feeling of solitude as I watched people walk around and ease dropped on construction workers conversations. I love adventures alone. It just makes me feel confident, happy, and at peace with the world when I take time for myself. I highly recommend it.

solitude.

yeah.

Epic Fail

I failed at being simple. How strange does that sound? Why is it so hard to be simple? I mean, seriously. Just to do one thing at time, pick up after myself, and be organized. Gosh, I should've taken a picture yesterday of my bedroom. It was a complete disaster! I got back from camping on Sunday and on Wednesday I still had my tent and all my gear piled in my bedroom. My suitcase was still packed and I was living out of my travel bags for my bathroom. It wasn't fun, and I had time to clean it up. But I didn't cause I just told myself "I'll do it tomorrow."

I really need to figure out a system for when I get back from traveling. Bill Nye lives 3 hours east, so I go to visit him quite often. Meaning that I travel a lot and I need to pack and un-pack a lot. I need a system of keeping my suitcase empty and bathroom bags empty when I am home. Okay, deep down I really know what needs to happen. . . I just need to gulp down and empty the suitcase when I get home. The second I get home. I should make sure that my room is clean before I leave. That would help.

Sorry, I'm rambling.

Case and Point: I'm too lazy to be simple, but that doesn't mean I can't try.

Day 1 of being simple.

Well, I did step one of my simple living adventure. I cleaned. I really cleaned. I found a spot for everything in my bedroom. I vacuumed. I have no clutter anywhere. Okay, I need to be honest, my car is still a mess. I didn't get a chance to clean it out yet, but I will soon. My mom gave me two huge black garbage bags of 2 liter pop bottles that are taken up my back seat and trunk. I really gotta return those and get my hard earned $5.20.
I started to read The Power of Less.

Thanks Grand Rapids Public Library!

I am learning that it's not good to be busy all time. I waste a lot of time on things I don't even remember doing. I want to stop wasting time doing meaningless tasks, and create meaningful events/tasks.

Something that I thought was interesting is the idea of only creating one goal at time and putting all of your focus into that one goal. I always make "goal lists" or massive to do lists. The book talks about how this isn't good because it's hard to see long term accomplishments. We might do everything on to do list and at the end of the day and it might feel really good, but in the long run it doesn't really matter. It says that we should make one goal at time, and put all our focus into accomplishing that goal.

I really like this idea because I feel too stretched sometimes, and I don't really accomplish anything meaningful. I'm always trying to eat healthy, be organized, exercise, and read my books. But in reality, I'm only doing these things in little bits, not really accomplishing anything significant. But if I were to only focus on be organized, I could probably achieve that goal and turn it into a habit. And then I could move onto my next goal.

Maybe I'm turning zen crazy. I don't care. If this simple thing doesn't help me live a better life then I will move on and blog about spiders or something

.

The Magic of Simplicity

I am trying desperately to be more simple now a days. Oh ya know, I'm trying to only buy what I need (mainly food), make my bed everyday, pack less on vacation, take everything out of my car whenever I leave it, and be organized. I love the simple life. But I find it so frinken hard to accomplish. It theory it should be easier, maybe this is true once a habit is formed. But I have trouble creating that habit (well "they" do say "a habit is a hard thing to break"). I am lazy. I like to leave things in my car, and then shove them up into those reusable grocery bags (which I have never used for groceries, opps) and leave them in my bedroom (usually hidden in the top of my closet). It sucks to do that because then I can't find things.

So. What to do, what to do.

I am going to try to be more simple. today. or tomorrow. or after this weekend... No. today. Yes. Today.

Here is what I am going to do:
1) Deep clean car and bedroom: Find a spot for everything, and then put it there. Then vacuum.
2) Take things out of car when ever I am home.
3) Pick up all things and put them in their spot before going to bed. I have trouble with this one because Bill Nye (my boyfriend) and I have scheduled talking time at night. I usually rush to brush my teeth and wash my face to talk to him on time, but this needs change. In my simple life, there shouldn't be any rushing.
5) Do all dishes before bed (this means put them away too).
4) Wash laundry once a week.
5) Also clean bathroom and kitchen once a week.
6) Be 5 minutes earlier to avoid rushing.

So here I gooooo.
Day 1
(hopefully I don't take a nap)

simple.

The Sushi Goal . . .

was a failure. . . kind of.

I MADE SUSHI. I did it! BUT. It was only okay. I actually tried to make it twice. BOTH times the nori (the dried seaweed) was very chewy. Too chewy. Unpleasently chewy. BUT other than that, it was very good! My rice tasted wonderful. And the flavors blended nicely. I gotta give it another go. The second time I made sushi, I even roasted the nori (by moving across the gas burner for 10 seconds) and it was still very chewy. Ug.

Here's some pictures from the first time:



I was too depressed to pictures the second time. I wish I would have looking at these now. I added a lot more ingredients. These just had cucumber and carrot. But the second time I use crab mean, avocado, cucumber, and cream cheese.

Okay, now I need to move on to some other goals. I forgot what they were already. But there is trouble ahead because I start summer school tomorrow. I will make the time!

Trekaroo

Hey check out this site!
They are giving away a National Park Pass!
http://blog.trekaroo.com/2010/05/27/national-parks-pass-giveaway/

Old Livejournal

Remember Livejournal? Those were the days... No myspace or facebook. I don't even think it was called a "blog". I remember the day I learned how to upload photos onto it, I was so excited. I could share words and pictures to the world! I yearned for comments. Now, I have like 7 different accounts across the internet (okay, 3 that I check regularly). But still! I miss the simplicity.


Anywho, I found an old journal entry from livejournal and I wanted to share it on my newest blog.



I was so sad and poor my first few years of college. I rode the bus everywhere! I would ride an 1.5 hours to donate blood and 1.5 back. It took about 45 minutes to an hour just to get to school. It was bloody awful. I lived a 10 minute drive away. I am happy that I own my car now. I think I grew a lot from those crazy, scary, depressing, and poor experiences. Crazy people still creep me out, and I still don't know the appropriate response to talking to them.

O well. I am happy now. I am finically secure (hopefully- cross your fingers that Michigan won't cut any more grants). And I have my future laid out for me.

I do need some God time in life - whatever that means. I'll blog more about that later.

Official One Week into Summer

I haven't finished unpacking. I pretty much am done. But I have all these random items that don't have a place to go. For instance, where should my spider killing spray go? It needs to go somewhere that I can grab it in case of an emergency. But I don't want to leave it on my desk. Oh my life problems are so hard.

Here is a list of my summer goals:
-Learn how to make Sushi. Become an expert so I can impress all my friends.
-Make a coffee table book. I bought a blank journal, and I want to cut out my favorite articles/things from my favorite magazines (Time, Real Simple). So I can share them with people, and throw away the magazines I don't need.
- Cook 8 different meals from a country that I have never cooked from before, like Korea, Vietnamese, Finnish, Egyptian, Ethiopian, etc etc. . .
- Burn my music on CDs. I want to buy an one hundred pack of CDs and make CDs of the music that I bought online. . . and got from the library.
- At least one big (camping?) trip. Maybe Tennessee or the U.P.
- Sell all my textbooks that I don't need on Amazon.
- Buy a hard drive and back up my photos and music and delete all the extra stuff in hopes of a faster computer.
- And of course, many trips to the zoo, Lake Michigan, friend's houses, and the post office.

So, I will be posting pictures. I am going to be in Minnesota for Rita's wedding over the weekend. And then I might get to see my boyfriend, Andrew (A.K.A. Bill Nye). Yay.

Here comes the sun. . .

It's been a while. . .

But I'm back!

I love to blog, it's very true.

Here is a quick snapshot of my life:
- Still going to Calvin. I have 2 years until I become a certified teacher.
-Taking summer classes at Grand Rapids Community College.
- Working 3 jobs: Janitor, Nanny, and Math Tutor
- Happily Dating Andrew James Mikolajczak (last name's a killer).
- Just moved into a cute and fantastic apartment in Grand Rapids (off of Michigan and Fuller).

Life has been strange lately. I just got done taking exams and writing really long papers and being stressed 24/7. Now that I am done with that, I don't know what to do with my free time. I have been so busy for so long that I forgot what it's like to have free time. I am going to learn to make sushi. And try to cook many different new things from foreign cultures. AND read. a lot. Oh. Be prepared because you my friends are going to hear all about it.

My sudden urge.

I have a sudden urge to read all the books in the world.

I feel so behind. I rarely read for pleasure, yet I really like doing it. Watching TV is easier, but I get so much more enjoyment out of a good book.

So here is the book I am reading:

It's good.

More to come. . .

I finally did it!

I deactivated my facebook.

My next step? Twitter.

Why did I deactivate?

I want more time to focus on my blog. The times I wrote the most was when my facebook was deactivated. I can tell and show people who am through my blog, not a through a series of almost meaningless wall posts and pictures. I really do like facebook for pictures, but I can get over that. I have my own little Canon Powershot now. Also, studies show that students who don't have a facebook do better in college than students who do. And I can believe that. When I am suppose to be studying, I always seem to end up on facebook for hours looking at a friend from high school's pictures of his or her trip to Europe. Which then just invokes feelings of jealousy, envy and loneliness. Also, I am pre-student teaching, and I don't want little high school stalkers. or principal stalkers looking for a picture of me holding a beer just to create some baby mama drama.

So. Here I am. Doing the blog thing.

Yep. . .

Why I am not okay with Obama. . .

Here is a very interesting article claiming that Obama wants to cancel summer vacation and increase time students spend in school.

Here's the link: More School: Obama would curtail summer vacation

This makes me furious. I can see a little bit how it would make sense. But when applied the cost of it. . . There are so many other things the money can go to. I.E. Smaller classes. I can't believe that his reasoning for wanting more school time is because it's putting them at a disadvantage with other kids around the globe. Since when are we worried about our disadvantage compared to other countries (what happen to NCLB?)? I can understand a little bit because of the Cold War, and the race to space, but I thought that we were over that.

But the cost!? Does Obama not realize the number one way to improve schools is smaller class sizes? Teachers have been demanding this over and over. Like a broken record. It proven that smaller classes produce more learning. But class sizes have been stretched and stretched. One of my classmates is pre-student teaching in a class of 45! What good is extending students time in school if they are still not getting the help and attention they need?

Now the reason we do have our summers off is because of agricultural reasons. And that doesn't really make sense. But there are such bigger issues than extending classroom time that I think Obama needs to be focusing on. Fixing No Child Left Behind should be one of them. Also, a pay increase that he promised teachers during his campaign.

But the most important issue to remind Obama is: Education is a STATE issue, not a national issue. Obama, sorry, but you don't have any power to change the state guidelines for number of hours a student is to spend in a classroom.

Obama is too full of hope. Sure, it would be nice to have some extra time just thrown into schools, but it's just so completely impractical. I feel like Obama saw that other countries education systems are better than ours, so what is the number one difference? --> no summers! So obviously we must rid our system of summer break. Pardon me while I go gag in the corner.

Long story short, it's an okay idea. . . Until you think of the costs. If the money is going to go to the schools than it should someplace else.

Also, I wrote this 20 minutes before class because I was too furious to study for my quiz, so I apologize for missed words and misspellings.