Snail mail is love.

I love getting letters in the mail. There is something so personal and lovely about getting a hand written, heart felt letter. I love opening the mail box, seeing the letter, rushing inside so I can put my stuff down, sitting down, opening the envelope, and reading the letter. There is such a rush to it- an emotional high. Then, you can keep the letter forever in a special place to be looked at again in times of loneliness. They are love that is always there for you, just waiting to be re-read so your heart can feel warm again.

What has been on my mind. . .

I broke up with my boyfriend. That's been on my mind a lot recently. But even more on my mind is Jesus and God. All of sudden, I feel slapped in the face with reality of what it really means to be a Christian woman.

I'm reading two books right now that are really transforming my thoughts. They are Bittersweet by Shauna Neiquist and The Thrill of the Chaste by Dawn Eden. I love these two books.

Let me share with you one of my favorite sections of Bittersweet. This is a chapter about being 25, when "you are young enough to believe that anything is possible, and you are old enough to make that belief a reality." In this particular section Shauna is talking about relationships and when is it wise to leave one (it's lengthy, but trust me it's good):

"Now is also the time to get serious about relationships. And 'serious' might mean walking away from the ones that don't give you everything you need. Some of the most life-shaping decisions you make in this season will be about walking away from good-enough, in search of can't-live-without. One of the only truly devastating mistakes you make in this season is staying with the wrong person even though you know he or she is the wrong person. It's not fair to that person, and it's not fair to you.

My friend Chrissie and her boyfriend were together for ten years, since college. He's a great guy, but throughout their relationship, several people had told Chrissie that they observed a fundamental mismatch. They didn't fit together at all. But she stayed, out of love and hope and commitment, and then he proposed. And they just couldn't get the wedding planned. They couldn't agree on where or when or how many people, so they stopped planning for a while. In the meantime, she went to South Africa with a group from our church to work with AIDS orphans, and while she was there, she felt alive and full of purpose for the first time in years. When she returned her fiancé wasn't all that interested in hearing about it.

All the things her friends had been saying for years clicked into place, and a few weeks later, she gave back the ring. She's literally like a new person these days, full of bright energy, hope, clarity. And those things are worth a whole lot more than a diamond from the wrong man, even if he's a really good man, like this one was."

-From Bittersweet by Shauna Neiquist (pg 87-88)

I have read this section so many times, I almost have it memorized. I'm not going to get into the nitty-gritty of why my boyfriend and I didn't work out, but this section really encapsulates the idea of why it couldn't work - two puzzle pieces that just didn't fit together.

I feel brighter, healthier, and more "glowy" than I have in a long time. I am really searching and seeking out truth. The Thrill of the Chaste is a book about how to be a single woman and still find fulfillment. I am learning that I shouldn't define myself by what I lack, but what I have. Here is another quote:

"A woman with the courage to step into the unknown, risking temporary loneliness for a shot at lasting joy is more than 'single'. She's singular. Instead of defining herself by what she lacks - a relationship with a man - she defines herself by what she has: a relationship with God.

... A singular woman bases her actions on how they will enable her to be the person she believes God wants her to be. If she longs to be married, she trusts that God has a pan for her and that a husband is a part of that plan."

- From The Thrill of the Chaste by Dawn Eden (pg 29)

I love this. I really need to focus on the idea of trusting God and building my relationship with Him before I start to build a relationship with a man. Yes, I think this could be lonely for a while but God is something that is so much bigger than any man I will ever meet and I need to find Him first.

yes, today is a new day