It's really frustrating. I know- I'm a "skinny bitch." I'm complaining about loosing weight when millions of millions (and probably you) have trouble and a terrible time with it. My advice - go to Yellowstone and get poor. But really, I'm done loosing weight until I can buy new clothes. I've actually been trying to put some weight back on. I go back and forth on the scale, plus or minus 5 pounds.
On Black Friday, I went to Kohl's. I earned myself a shiny $15 in Kohl's cash. I was PUMPED to spend $15 on myself. ABSOLUTELY PUMPED. I spent 1 hour and 45 minutes in the store looking and debating on what to spend my precious $15 on. I went to the dressing 5 times. I probably tried on more than 20 tops and 10 pairs of jeans. It was really exciting!
And it wasn't just the money. It was that I have this awesome little skinny mini body and everything looks good on me (okay, I'm being prideful). I look good and I didn't really realize how new clothes could affect my persona and attitude towards myself.
Two things happened:
#1) I got very prideful. I thought I was better than everybody in the whole world. Why? Because I looked good and hot and sexy. And I was aloud to say that because at one point I did not look good or hot or sexy.
#2) I started finding my value in outward appearance. My thoughts drifted towards, "I would feel so much better if I had a whole new wardrobe" . . . "if only I could afford one nice pair of jeans and three nice tops". . . "look at everybody else, they get to wear Banana Republic and Target and clothes that aren't faded or too big." Yes, I actually did have a thought of jealousy when my friend told me she bought new clothes at Target. . . "If only I could afford Target clothes..."
One thing learned:
LOOKS DONT MATTER.
Even as I write that, I want to fight it. I want to say - "No, but they doooo! My boss says so, my professor says so, my friends so, my December issue of Real Simple says so..." But yeah know who doesn't say so!? (You know where I'm going with this one...) God.
Yeah, he doesn't care. He thinks that beauty is fleeting - that means, beauty is going to fade quickly. I won't be skinny and pretty forever - ESPECIALLY WHEN I'M DEAD. And those peoples clothes won't be always so bright and colorful - especially when moths eat them. I need to focus on things that matter - like ETERNITY and virtues and blah blah blah good stuff good stuff.
But I still really want new clothes. If you have any clothes that you need to get rid of (I know you do!!), give them to me (size small/medium or size 6 for pants)!
Here's what I spent my $15 Kohl's cash on:
Yep. A pair of new jeans (FOR ONLY $10.80) and a Justin Bieber shirt that I found in the little girls section. I thought it was a really good idea at the time...
But I am REALLY happy that I have a pair of jeans that fit me. I have legs again! and a waist!
The only problem is that they are extremely uncomfortable. Probably why they were $10. . .
EDIT 6 minutes later..
I'm an oxymoron - AKA Hypocrite.
I'll have to write a post about my feeling about this post - How do I stay confident and true to myself yet not be consumed with the outside image?
Even as I write that, I want to fight it. I want to say - "No, but they doooo! My boss says so, my professor says so, my friends so, my December issue of Real Simple says so..." But yeah know who doesn't say so!? (You know where I'm going with this one...) God.
Yeah, he doesn't care. He thinks that beauty is fleeting - that means, beauty is going to fade quickly. I won't be skinny and pretty forever - ESPECIALLY WHEN I'M DEAD. And those peoples clothes won't be always so bright and colorful - especially when moths eat them. I need to focus on things that matter - like ETERNITY and virtues and blah blah blah good stuff good stuff.
But I still really want new clothes. If you have any clothes that you need to get rid of (I know you do!!), give them to me (size small/medium or size 6 for pants)!
Here's what I spent my $15 Kohl's cash on:
Yep. A pair of new jeans (FOR ONLY $10.80) and a Justin Bieber shirt that I found in the little girls section. I thought it was a really good idea at the time...
But I am REALLY happy that I have a pair of jeans that fit me. I have legs again! and a waist!
The only problem is that they are extremely uncomfortable. Probably why they were $10. . .
EDIT 6 minutes later..
I'm an oxymoron - AKA Hypocrite.
I'll have to write a post about my feeling about this post - How do I stay confident and true to myself yet not be consumed with the outside image?
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