Let's be honest here. . .

Weight Loss Story

2011-12-21T09:31:00.000-07:00

I always feel strange telling my "weight loss story" because my weight has always been up and down... and I didn't keep very good track of it.

In middle school, I was overweight. I was the chubby girl that hated running. I felt very awkward about myself and I found attention by being the funny, crazy girl.

These are really embarrassing.

Then, I went to high school. I really wanted to play sports but I never tried out. I felt too fat and too slow. I have no idea if I was classified as "overweight" in high school but I felt overweight. Looking back at pictures, I wasn't that big of a girl:

I've always hated my legs. I think they are fat and chunky.

I found ways to avoid showing off my legs in the summer - wear hospital pants or a skirt.

Then.... I went to college. And I gained a lot of weight - I think my highest weight was in the Spring of 2008 (2 years of being college). I ate crappy - really crappy. Then I went to Yellowstone National Park to work for a summer and that kick started my weight loss.

Now, the last three years have been up and down. I was never as big as I was in 2008 but I did gain weight and started to feel like the chubby girl again.

Then... I went to Yellowstone National Park again! And it (once again), kick started more weight loss. Once I got back, I continued to loose weight and we get to today. . .

Here is the grand "before and after" picture:

The picture the left is the biggest picture of me I could find. The picture on the right is the most recent picture of me. It was snapped on my boyfriends phone while I tried on clothes (for fun) at Banana Republic.

I have lost 70 pounds and went down 6 dress sizes.

It's strange because I have never been this size. I am not use to it.

Since I'm going along the theme of being honest - I'll be honest. . .

Currently (as in right now as I'm typing in my bed), I hate being skinny. Well, that's kind of lie - I love it and hate it. I love it because I feel awesome. I can walk into a store and try on almost anything and it probably will look good. I don't need to worry about love handles, tires, or muffin tops.

I hate it because nothing in my closet fits. And if you've been following my blog then you know that I am on a strict "no spending" budget.

On Christmas Eve, I am suppose to go out to dinner with my boyfriend's family. I am very stressed out about this. I was told to wear something nice but not formal. This is the worse situation for me. Even before (when all my clothes fit), I would stress out about this. But now, I literally don't have anything to wear. I thought maybe, I had some black pants I could wear so I tried them on. This is what it looks like:

This is how most my clothes look. All my tops can be pinch in the back about 3 - 4 inches.

I feel like such a brat right now. I'm complaining because I'm "too skinny" and that I "don't have enough clothes." I'm ashamed to admit that because I should be thankful that I'm in a healthy BMI range (finally) and that I have any clothes (even if they are too big).

But regardless of my efforts to be thankful, I'm still stressed about what to wear on Saturday. . .

Sorry for getting so off track and dampening the mood of my weight loss story. This is just how I'm feeling currently (on a grey rainy day). Taking a step back, I feel happy and proud of myself - it's taken a lot of work to loose weight. I shouldn't worry about buying clothes that fit because I can do that in the future. Now is the time that I should focus on maintaining my weight and making sure I don't gain it back.

And if you are curious how I lost it - eating less, drinking lots of water, and exercising.

My New Motto

2011-12-11T18:10:00.001-07:00

Study Break #2

Study Break....

2011-12-11T10:59:00.001-07:00

{i love curly brackets}

And guess what profession is guaranteed to use them?

No, not a web designer

--> A high school math teacher!

{back to studying}

The Importance of Friendships

2011-12-09T09:19:00.001-07:00

Friends are important. Duh.

As self-evident as that is, I think this is a lesson that I need to learn over and over. When I feel trapped and busy and stressed out, the last thing I do is see friends. I tell myself: I don't have the time, seeing them will stress me out even more, and my brain is too overloaded to be a good listener. I want to get away from people and spend time alone relaxing because everything is about me when I'm stressed out.

I have been in this cycle more than once and almost every time I come out of it, I realize that friends never hinder my mental health. When I think seeing them will stress me out, it actually causes me to relax and feel good for a moment. It's strange really - logically it doesn't make sense. Adding one more moment to my already full brain should put me into overload and die. But I don't die, I feel relieved.

My logically conclusion?
Seeing friends forces me to not focus on me for a moment - it's a relief.

So, during this stressful exam season - I need to make time to spend with friends. Even if it's only an hour. I know that laughing and talking and catching up and discussing and eating and playing "go fish" will be more beneficial than spending time alone relaxing.

Here is a photo tribute to friends:

I love you all very much. Thank you for putting up with my highs and lows.

Sorry for the messy, I don't know how to organize the photos. Also, click if you want to see one bigger :)

New Clothes

2011-12-07T19:28:00.001-07:00

I've lost a bit of weight recently. . . maybe a bit more than a bit.

It's really frustrating. I know- I'm a "skinny bitch." I'm complaining about loosing weight when millions of millions (and probably you) have trouble and a terrible time with it. My advice - go to Yellowstone and get poor. But really, I'm done loosing weight until I can buy new clothes. I've actually been trying to put some weight back on. I go back and forth on the scale, plus or minus 5 pounds.

On Black Friday, I went to Kohl's. I earned myself a shiny $15 in Kohl's cash. I was PUMPED to spend $15 on myself. ABSOLUTELY PUMPED. I spent 1 hour and 45 minutes in the store looking and debating on what to spend my precious $15 on. I went to the dressing 5 times. I probably tried on more than 20 tops and 10 pairs of jeans. It was really exciting!

And it wasn't just the money. It was that I have this awesome little skinny mini body and everything looks good on me (okay, I'm being prideful). I look good and I didn't really realize how new clothes could affect my persona and attitude towards myself.

Two things happened:

#1) I got very prideful. I thought I was better than everybody in the whole world. Why? Because I looked good and hot and sexy. And I was aloud to say that because at one point I did not look good or hot or sexy.

#2) I started finding my value in outward appearance. My thoughts drifted towards, "I would feel so much better if I had a whole new wardrobe" . . . "if only I could afford one nice pair of jeans and three nice tops". . . "look at everybody else, they get to wear Banana Republic and Target and clothes that aren't faded or too big." Yes, I actually did have a thought of jealousy when my friend told me she bought new clothes at Target. . . "If only I could afford Target clothes..."

One thing learned:

LOOKS DONT MATTER.
Even as I write that, I want to fight it. I want to say - "No, but they doooo! My boss says so, my professor says so, my friends so, my December issue of Real Simple says so..." But yeah know who doesn't say so!? (You know where I'm going with this one...) God.

Yeah, he doesn't care. He thinks that beauty is fleeting - that means, beauty is going to fade quickly. I won't be skinny and pretty forever - ESPECIALLY WHEN I'M DEAD. And those peoples clothes won't be always so bright and colorful - especially when moths eat them. I need to focus on things that matter - like ETERNITY and virtues and blah blah blah good stuff good stuff.

But I still really want new clothes. If you have any clothes that you need to get rid of (I know you do!!), give them to me (size small/medium or size 6 for pants)!

Here's what I spent my $15 Kohl's cash on:

Yep. A pair of new jeans (FOR ONLY $10.80) and a Justin Bieber shirt that I found in the little girls section. I thought it was a really good idea at the time...

But I am REALLY happy that I have a pair of jeans that fit me. I have legs again! and a waist!
The only problem is that they are extremely uncomfortable. Probably why they were $10. . .

EDIT 6 minutes later..
I'm an oxymoron - AKA Hypocrite.
I'll have to write a post about my feeling about this post - How do I stay confident and true to myself yet not be consumed with the outside image?

Honesty, Darkness, and Finding Peace

2011-12-06T08:33:00.000-07:00

I use to be a hardcore honest person. That's weird to put "hardcore" and "honest" together but that's how I felt. I believed in being super honest - above just basic telling the truth... almost telling more than the truth - revealing the thoughts and feelings that make a person blush or feel ashamed. Hence the title of this blog - "Let's be honest here...."

So, I'm going start trying to reveal more - show my raw thoughts.

Here's the story-

The last few weeks have been hell for me mentally. I'm not going to focus on causes of this mental craziness because I don't completely know what happened. Maybe it was a spiritual battle that I couldn't see, maybe it was too much stress from school, maybe it was because of a manipulative friend - I don't know. I'm going to focus on how I felt and what is happening now.

It felt awful. It felt more than awful. I couldn't even put words to it at the time. I just kept waiting for it to go away. I felt shaky, unable to sleep or cry, very negative, depressed. I didn't see the point of anything - I didn't see the point of life. I didn't do my readings or homework causing a lot of anxiety at school. I would try to do my homework and it would sit in front of me FOR HOURS while I didn't do it. I kept looking for an answer; a quote, poem, metaphorical story, something, anything to snap me out of this dream like trance. I missed class in the morning because I honestly couldn't get of bed (my alarm would go off and I would hit it for 3 hours while asleep). I kept trying to focus on the positive, be thankful, rely on God's strength instead of my own - I kept trying and trying and trying and failed and failed and failed. I found myself trying to control the situation myself - knowing that I couldn't - I gave up on a lot of things. I gave up on cleaning, cooking, exercising.

EDIT
Okay, I originally wrote the above paragraphs on November 21. Now it is December 6th. I don't remember where I was going with it. . . but I'll give it new life and a new direction.

Going back and reading that paragraph about how awful that time in my life was, brought tears to my eyes. It was so painful. I'm guessing it was some form of depression. Those couple of weeks are a huge blur to me. I don't remember much (I tend to block bad memories until I think they never happened - very unhealthy, I know). I didn't journal during this time but I did start drawing again.
Side note: I use to be really artsy fartsy and draw and doodle and be creative all over the place.

So, I have little sketches of this time. I glanced through them and there was one that really seemed to summarize the way I felt. I drew a picture of me falling and screaming "When I am going to hit rock bottom!?" and at the very bottom of the page in tiny letters I wrote, "I want to hit rock bottom so badly" (or something like that). I literally wanted to hit rock bottom. I remember lying in bed and thinking - it can't worse than this. And the next day it would. And this went on for weeks...

OKAY. ENOUGH DEPRESSING BLAH BLAH JARGON.

As you might have been able to tell, I am no longer in that mental state anymore. I don't know when things switch - I don't think it happened over night. But things are different now. Life is peaceful - it isn't great but peaceful. I'm learning two things:

#1) I will only grow and improve in baby steps. One of my life focuses in life is to be a great woman of God. I have this image in my head of this lady that is humble, doesn't wear make-up, loves children with boils and flesh wounds, etc. I want to be that lady! I have always been striving to be this woman on a daily basis until recently. I have learned that it takes very little steps/actions to become a woman of God. I have started with the littlest tinniest things. For example, last night I picked up my own sucker stick after it fell out of my pocket in the parking lot. I am really ashamed to admit that at first I took a couple of steps passed the sucker stick and pretended it didn't happen. But then, I stopped for a moment and realized that God would want me to pick up that sucker stick. So I did. Now, you all know that I am horrible person whose first thought is to litter on the ground.

Other small deeds: Listening instead of talking, smiling when greeting someone, hanging up clothes on the sales rack at clothes (ya know the ones, that end up falling off because of the pushing and pulling and tangles), giving small gifts, saying compliments, stopping completely at a stop sign -- very small things.

I believe that it's these small baby steps that will lead me to becoming a woman of God.

#2) Devotional time is not the only way to peace. If you were at my baptism, you would have heard me talk about "inner peace". I was going through a hard time (boyfriend dumped me) and then just a few days later I was scheduled to be baptized. I was sitting on a mountain trying to sort out all my feelings of hurt and despair. I was praying and reading my Bible and suddenly I had peace. It was like a lighting bolt of peace. I can't even describe how peaceful I was. I think I said at my baptism, "Somebody could have slapped in the face and I wouldn't have cared because my insides were so peaceful." Since this crazy profound (only real God) moment of my life, I always thought I should find peace by sitting on a mountain praying and journaling and reading my Bible and blah blah blah. . . Well guess what? It worked once in 2008 and it didn't work in 2010.

There is almost something selfish about running away to have quiet peaceful time. I understand the importance of it but I think it is grossly overestimated. I use to think that I had to have so many things in order to find peace and tranquility with God (AKA quiet devotional time).

Here was my check list:

Bible
Journal
A good pen (RSVPs are my favorite)
Devotional Book
Stillness
Must be alone
Must have a considerable amount of time

I also had preferences:

Nature - away from the city and urban chaos
It should be in the morning or night time
I should do it very secretly (I struggle with this - Matthew 6:6)
I want to be very comfortable - in bed, on my arm chair, leaning against a tree, etc.

That is a lot of requirements! Needing time and aloneness were the two biggest problems. But recently, I've come to realize - I don't need anything of those things to spend time with God. I feel like God is really opening my eyes to the fact that I don't need to even "spend time" with Him - He is with me always. I definitely don't have the whole "constant presence" feeling yet but I have found that it's really easy to pray whenever- in class, walking, driving, talking, listening (might lead to bad listening skills but sometimes I actually pray that I can listen better), writing papers, facebooking, eating cheeze-its, texting... whenever I want to. There's a huge comfort in really realizing that.

Also, the Bible is online. The whole thing. No need to carry around a leather bound, red letter, flimsy paper Bible. You just need the internet. I feel like one of the lies of the devil is that time with God needs to be sacred and holy. For me, I use to think that a get more out of the Bible if I read it from my special red celtic Bible that has so many fond memories attached to it. It's special. But I think God would appreciate reading the Bible off the internet all the same. There's nothing mystical about reading the Bible online but there's nothing mystical about reading it off of paper either. Words are words, it's God that gives them power (as well as opening your heart to them).

Okay, I am officially babbling on. . .

Point of the story - small steps and God always.

AND

I am doing much MUCH much better. Things seem to fall into place when my life is centered on God. It really is quite peaceful. I just give all my fears and worries to Him. They're His problems now. Heh.

I don't need this location to feel peace :)

I'm still broke. . .

2011-11-21T09:48:00.001-07:00

Update! Update! Update!

Since my last post, I've almost completely stop spending money. However, I didn't live off of $5 a week like I said I was going to. FAILURE. meh, whatever.

Here's what I did spend - $36.45 on groceries and $18 cash on who knows what (okay, it was probably spent on Taco Bell and McDonalds. OKAY, it was spent on Taco Bell and McDonalds).

I think that's still pretty darn good! I am shocked at how much money I have saved. Last month, my credit card bill was $973.* Yes, there were some higher expenses in there (plane ticket to Boston, car battery) but other than that . . . WHERE DID THAT MONEY GO? Well, thankfully I can look at the statement on-line and tell you. It went to Hungry Howie's Pizza, Taco Bell, Heffron Farms, Douglas J (hair cut), Hopcat, iTunes, The Book Loft, The Best Breakfast Restaurant (yes, that's the name), Northstar Cafe, Minute Man Pizza, Calvin College Bookstore, and Meijer.

*By the way, I pay off my credit card bill every month. I have never allowed it to accrue interest. I use it solely for the points.

That's where. Now, that I've stopped spending money. My credit card statement is $225.12 - what a change. Now, I have extra money! WEEEE!!! I'm going to put it into my savings account and pretend it doesn't exist. That's a really good feeling.

Lesson learned - it is way more satisfying to save then to spend. I feel in control.

Lesson #2 - eating Ramen, toast, and PB & J everyday will make you loose weight uncontrollably fast.

I'm a broke college student!

2011-11-02T10:09:00.002-06:00

Oh, surprise surprise. I'm a broke college student... But these past few weeks have been especially hard. I'm living paycheck to paycheck like most of America and I don't like it. But I am going to change!

And here's how:

#1) I'm not going to spend money. You may be thinking "but Annie, you HAVE to spend money!" Who says so? Here are the things I normally spend money on (that aren't bills) - gas, eating out with friends, food, taco bell, library late fees, school supplies, amazon stuff and miscellaneous clearance items that I find at the end isles. I'm done spending money on these things. I quit.

#2) Okay, I'll still buy gas. I have to.

#3) Also, I have to eat so I'm only going to spend $5 a week on food. You may be thinking "that's impossible!" Yes maybe but I can try. Here's what you don't know: My panty is full of food! Okay, that's an exaggeration but I do have quite a bit of food on my shelves. So, I'll live off that food. Currently I have beans, rice, pasta, frozen chicken, frozen vegetables, and most of everything that a person is suppose to have "on hand" (oils, baking supplies, spices, etc.).

So, maybe you think I'm crazy. I don't care. I'm poor. I'm reading Dave Ramsey and he thinks I should have $1,000 saved for emergencies. Do you want to know how much I have in my savings account right now for "emergencies"? I have $32.86 - I just checked. This is why I ran into problems in October when my car battery died and I had to pay $115 for a new one. So, I'm going to be putting every cent into this fund.

Currently, I have three sources of income - tutoring, cleaning, and nannying. They are all under the table and all pay very well. But what goes along with this, is that they are all very unstable. For example: In October, I had 5 tutoring sessions canceled - each with a good excuse. That's $100 out of my monthly budget!! That's a lot of money to me! So to fix this problem, I'm making a "cancellation policy" (basically if you cancel too much I still expect to be paid). Maybe it's mean but I don't care. I need to know how much money I will have at the end of the week. Also, this is even more evidence that I need to save $1,000 for emergencies.

I also have little ways of making money - selling text books on Amazon. I made $87.39 selling textbooks (minus about $11 for shipping). That's a lot of dough. I'm also going to try sell some clothes at a consignment store. It's sad to say goodbye to my really nice clothes but I would rather have finically stability than nice clothes. Also, I'm making a little bit of extra money by being a "Research Assistant" for my friend's thesis paper. Yay!

I'm thinking about selling my plasma.... I've done it before and hated it but it's such easy money.

Okay, that's enough about my boring money problems. . .

I'm going to blog about this and tell you how it goes. I'm going to be 100% honest and accurate. Not spending money on food is going to the hardest part so expect to hear about that.

The Fears...

#1) I'll feel gross from eating processed food all the time. I eat a good amount of fresh food and I know the effects of eating Ramen everyday (tired and cranky). But hopefully, this won't happen BECAUSE thankfully most things in my pantry are considered healthy - beans, whole grain pasta, brown rice. But if I do end up eating Ramen everyday - oh well, tough luck.

#2) I'll give into my brainwashed material instincts that I have to buy something. I literally already have everything I need. I have a warm bed, a car, clothes for every occasion, and food. I shouldn't have to buy anything. I'm worried that I'll fall into the mindset of "well, I've been so good lately and it's a really good deal and I deserve this". Lies, lies, and more lies - I haven't been good lately (that's why I'm in this situation), it's not a good deal (if I don't need it), and I don't deserve it (I deserve peace of mind).

#3) Peer Pressure: GAG, I hate peer pressure. Here is a letter:

Dear Friends,

Let's do something fun that doesn't involve spending money. If you want to do something that involves spending money then expect to pay for me. Otherwise, I can't go. If you want to go to a restaurant and not pay for me - I'll go but I will get water and stare at you jealously. I still love you. Please love me by supporting me and not pressuring me to spend money.

Okay, that's enough for now. I have $5 in my back pocket and I'll keep you updated on what I choose to spend it on.

Somebody buy me this.

It's not you, it's me.

2011-09-07T16:49:00.002-06:00

Dear devote reader (if you still exist),

I'm sorry I stopped posting so suddenly. I should've said something... but I didn't want to hurt you. So I ran and hid instead of facing the truth- I just didn't love blogging anymore. But I've realized my mistakes and you really are a good time. I still love you. Please forgive me and continue to read my blog? I won't promise it won't ever happen again. ;)

Sincerely,

Annie Nelson

The Real Story

I got busy in Yellowstone and I didn't feel like blogging in my spare time. I chose to sleep, hike, fish, read, and learn trigonometry instead. . . (YAWN) ...Pretending to have a love affair is way more exciting.

Past Experience That I Should Have Share a While Ago (P.E.T.I.S.H.A.W.A)*

Tehe. I like that - PETISHAWA. I'm going to use that.

Coming Soon.....

My 3 day trip to the Grand Tetons. I went camping, hiking, swimming, and ate pizza!

*This will probably turn into a series. This way I still blog about my awesome adventures AND you get to hear about my awesome adventures. I also think it will be fun for me to reminisce.

Look what I bought!

2011-07-10T16:52:00.000-06:00

My very own fishing pole!!!

It's a Shakespeare (which is suppose to be pretty good brand of spin rods) and it's girly. I love it. I went fishing with it the day I bought it and caught one little fish (the other 2 boys I went with caught nothing). The company named it "LadyFish" but I call it "Trout Slayer". It has accents of pink.

Fishing in Yellowstone

2011-07-05T01:01:00.004-06:00

I have a new found passion in life: fishing. I love everything about it! In the past week, I've gone fishing 3 times and caught a total of 8 fish. Here are the stories:

Fishing Tale #1:

Darrin, Mike, and I went to Lake Yellowstone - the largest lake in the park (17 miles long). We went to an area that we called "the peninsula". It's basically a sand bank that runs through the lake. On one side there is the huge wavy part of the lake and on the other side is the smaller calmer part of the lake. We fished on the calm part.

I caught 2 fish - both Cutthroat Trout (about 6 - 8 inches)! Darrin and Mike caught none (boooo ya!). I don't have a picture of the fish (but I will) because it was taken on Mike's camera.

This is Darrin:

About Darrin: He is from California and loves to fish. I feel the need to tell you about him because he's been on all three fishing trips and is teaching me how to fish. Also, I use all his fishing equipment.

Fishing Tale #2:

Darrin, Lucija, and I went back to Lake Yellowstone. We didn't go back to the peninsula because Darrin didn't catch anything there. This time, we went to a place called "Gull Point". It's also a sand bar like the peninsula but I liked this area a lot more because the view is amazing.

This is quite possible the best picture of me ever:

Cool picture of Darrin fishing:

The tale of the big fish:

Darrin said that pretty much anywhere would be a good place to cast except the murky water. So, I wondered around and casted in different spots with no luck. Then I got a strange idea to cast right next to the murky water. So, I started casting and aimed for a little pool of blue water that was almost completely engulfed by murky brown water. I don't really know much about fishing but I really like to aim for those types of areas - blue calm water surrounded by rough or murky water. And sure enough, I caught a big one! I was quite surprised and I had to scream for Darrin who was about 100 yards away. He came running and snapped some photos:

It was another Cutthroat Trout (about 18 - 20 inches). I was pretty excited - this is definitely the biggest fish I have ever caught in my life.

*Note: In the park, you can't keep Cutthroat Trout because they are a native species.

*Note #2: If you catch a Lake Trout, you HAVE to kill it - it's illegal to throw it back alive (because it's an invasive species).

We fished for a few more hours but sadly didn't catch anything (despite my awesome jedi mind tricks).

As we were leaving, I got a picture with Lucija. She didn't fish - instead, she laid out in the sun and enjoyed the beautiful day. She's a cool gal.

*Sorry for all the midriff.

Fishing Tale #3:

Darrin is the only friend that I know that has Saturdays off. I was yearning to go on a long hike but he wanted to go fishing. He suggested that we hike out to Grebe Lake and fish. Grebe Lake trail is about an 8 mile hike (3 miles to the lake and then another 1 mile going around) and it has awesome fishing - it was a win-win solution.

The hike was mostly flat and consisted of a lot of dead trees (until we got to the lake, then it was swampy and muddy):

Darrin has fished here before so he knows where the fish hang out. We went to an area where a stream was entering the lake. Darrin said fish like to hang out in those spots because the stream brings in food.

So, I started casting and once again, I caught something! O yeah, I should've mentioned earlier that Grebe Lake is known for Arctic Grayling. This is a very rare species of fish. They are known for their huge fin on the top of their bodies. They also don't get very big.

And obviously (since I just told you all about them), I caught an Arctic Grayling:

Grebe Lake is a pretty cool spot to fish. I caught 5 fish (3 Arctic Graylings and 2 Rainbow Trout) and Darrin caught 4 (booo yaaa!). Here's a picture of where we fished for the day - you can see where the current from the stream is:

Hmm, I wrote a lot more than usual... What can I say? I love to fish! Even if I don't catch anything, I still have a great time. A lot of people around here are jealous of me because I've been so successful. I'm not sure if it's beginner's luck or talent but there is something that just feels right when I'm fishing - the world seems to be at peace and I like it.

P.S. Nicholas and Bob are going to be here in 6 days! I am so excited!

P.S.S. Dear Strangers, Nicholas is my boyfriend and Bob is one of my best friends.

Beartooth Mountains

2011-07-04T21:32:00.001-06:00

Once again, Jessica and I had the same day off. We had plans to go hiking but then realized we liked to sleep in more. After I ate some tacos, I knocked on Jessica's door and we discussed what to do with our sunny day. We thought about going to Jackson Hole and driving through the Tetons (which I have yet to see this year) but then decided we should drive through the Beartooth Mountain Range instead.

The Beartooth Mountains are a gorgeous mountain range that start after Cooke City on Hwy 212 - some famous journalist one time said "it is the most scenic drive in America" - and I think he might be right.

As we were driving, we couldn't avoid the Bison jam in Lamar Valley. I didn't mind because Jessica got some good pictures of my favorite animal:

We drove all the way through the Beartooths and stopped at the "Scenic Overlook...

.... only to find out that the trail was closed because of snow. Boooo!!!!

Well... Jessica and I, we're from Yellowstone National Park - so we climbed on some rocks and broke the law so we could get a better view (I was actually really scared because it's a huge drop off on one side).

After that whole adventure, we read the map and it appeared that we weren't that far away from Red Lodge. So, being city deprived we figured 'why not?'

We walked around and ate Chinese food.

It was a real good time. AND THEN, the most amazing thing happened! I saw the real life Mario:

I didn't get a picture of his face because I was too nervous but I swear he had a mustache and was all tan and Mario like.

We then ventured back through the Beartooths and I snapped some good photos:

O yeah, the snow in some parts was crazy high! Check this out:

And here is my favorite picture of the day:

After Work Adventure #4: Ribbon Lake the second round

2011-06-26T01:22:00.001-06:00

I joined a Softball league. And it turns out I am awful at Softball . . . I took a picture to prove it.

That is Michael - he another security guard guy.

The field is all gravel and it really sucks. I might quit. I strike out a lot and it's really embarrassing.

Like promised, I went back to Ribbon Lake. Unfortunately, John did not accompany me but Daniel and Robert did! They are also security guys:

Daniel and Robert

It was a super good time. We tried to see that cascade but failed - I still think it's possible and I want to go back. I really love this trail. Its mostly tall trees, canyon, and fun bridges:

Of course, there's fun pictures of me:

I wore my favorite t-shirt. Sadly, I lost my cowboy hat. It was in my pack and fell out somewhere. That middle picture is the last picture I have of it.

But I did remember to take a picture of Ribbon Lake this time!

We had a good time!

I love sunsets so I made the boys wait to watch the sunset and it was gorgeous!

And then I threw up:

not really

(it's the lower falls)

P.S. Remember when Marcus came to visit? Here is the picture of us (he e-mailed it to me - thanks Marcus!)

After Work Adventures #3: Ribbon Lake

2011-06-23T01:52:00.000-06:00

I haven't been going out and doing stuff lately. It's the laziness. I'm over the whole "living in Yellowstone National Park". I've seen it all. . .

(That was my attitude last week)

Screw being lazy! My new goal: go out and do something after work everyday. There are 22 million acres to explore. The only hard part is finding somebody to come with me... For this adventure, I dragged John along.

We hiked to Ribbon Lake. It's 2 miles there and 2 miles back (4 total) - really easy. There were several things that attracted me to this hike:

Half a mile of it is along the Canyon
It's in woods that haven't been burnt (tall pretty trees)
If you go half a mile past Ribbon Lake, you can see a river that cascades into the Canyon (a 1200 foot drop)

So, John and I ventured off to Artist's Point and started walking... The view was amazing. It no joke looks like this for half of a mile:

Absolutely Gorgeous...

Of course, we have to stop and take the cheezy "facebook profile" pictures...

I have a confession to make. I've been lying this whole time. I am not in Yellowstone. I'm really living in Hollywood with some big hot shots who are really good at editing and blue screens. I think it's kind of obvious in these photos. My editor must have been slacking...

Okay, that was a lie. These are real photos - but I do think they look tremendously fake.

I really enjoyed this hike. It's perfect - it has all the elements I love - rivers, trees, mostly flat with some small hills, and an end designation (compared to a hike that goes along a river) . There's a couple of bridges on the hike - one of them was very crooked:

After 2 miles, we made it Ribbon Lake! And! I didn't take any pictures of it... whoops. I was too excited about the 1200 foot cascade. O yeah, for y'all that don't know what a cascade is - it's basically a waterfall that descends over a bunch of rocks.

So, we passed Ribbon Lake (actually we walked around it for a bit and then realized we were on Wapiti Lake trail... whoops) and found the Canyon again. We could hear the sound of the cascade but couldn't see it. The sun was really bright - here's an epic picture of John looking for the cascade:

Bingo! We found it:

But we were running out of day light time so instead of trying to get a better view, we headed back and promised ourselves that we would return within the next few days.

I think my hair looks awesome in this picture:

(I'm pretty sure the camera was still on sunset mode)

O yeah, also along the trail there was a bubbling pond- there are thermal features all over Yellowstone but I'm still surprised when I see a pond that is bubbling. I thought I saw a dead wolf in the bubbling pond...

...but it was just a log

Canyon is the coolest. This may not be the best picture (the sun was setting) but check out the colors:

Ribbon Lake was a great hike. I have plans to go back tomorrow and I am very excited. I had to cancel plans with Mike who was going to give me a personal self-defense lesson but he said we can reschedule.

Random Happenings...

2011-06-22T00:36:00.000-06:00

Sometimes, things can pretty boring around here. There are about 400 employees that live, work, and play together. Thankfully, we have a "Rec Center". The Rec Center's job is give employees things to do - they organize tournaments, hikes, trips to the city, etc. . . It's pretty awesome. I recently went to a few of their events - like the basket ball tournament:

I was rooting for the team not wearing the orange jerseys. I was pretty excited - I kind of enjoy watching sports (sometimes). My team lost and I was really bummed for 2 hours.

But I cheered up when a couple days later, I played BINGO. Yep - it was a great time. Here are some friends that I dragged along:

Cricket. John. Mark.

My (AWESOMEAMAZINGSUPERCOOL) friend Beckey mailed me all the ingredients for the best trail mix ever. She even included two zip lock bags labeled; "To Share" and the other "Annie's TM - Paws Off!". I brought the share bag to Bingo and all my friends loved me.

That's Robert - he's a security guy.

I just really like this photo...

Each Bingo card was a 25 cents, so naturally I bought 4. Robert won the first game ($6). And then I won the second game. And I won $11!!! Here is my winning moment - literally yelling BINGO!

Everybody else was super bummed because $11 is a lot of money!

Naturally, I went to the pub and then bought a six pack of Bent Nail IPA at the General Store. I drank some and then took a picture of Charlotte (another Resident Coordinator). She is quite adorable:

She also likes to spread rumors...

Now to my days off. My first day off was really lame. It was raining and cold and miserable. I slept in and watched Nurse Jackie in my room all day. It was kind of nice to relax and be alone.

The next day, I was determined to find something to do. One of my residents, Elijah, also had the day off so we went WHITE WATER RAFTING. I don't really have any good photos. But I have a picture of me in the wet suit and water proof jacket looking chubs:

Rafting was AWESOME. I love to raft. Although, it's kind of pricy and my butt hurt A LOT - maybe I was sitting wrong or something... Also, while rafting we saw an otter and mountain sheep - that was swell.

We then went to Bozeman - where Elijah is from. We went to his storage unit and I was surprised at how many cool things he had. He has swords and shields and axes and a whole lot of random things. So, I made him take pictures of me with his cool swag:

We then ate dinner at Buffalo Wild Wings and it was HEAVEN. I wanted to take a picture of my food but Elijah said that would be silly - so I didn't. I think he was wrong.

RANDOM RANDOM RANDOM

I found a Brown Recluse Spider (I think/ almost positive) !!! If this isn't a brown recluse, please let me know.

Also, look at this elf running:

tehe

Long Story Short...

2011-06-20T21:53:00.000-06:00

Blogging takes a lot of work. I'm skipping the wordy words on this one and getting to the point.

Paolo was sick. We went to Lake. I took pictures:

It's very peaceful at Lake.

Pelican!

Trail closed :(

The clouds are big and I like it.

You know you are in a clinic in Yellowstone when....

Paolo was so sick that he needed 2 bags of fluids.

Paolo thought the nurse was cute so he put his phone number under her door (with her permission).

Cody, WY

2011-06-13T21:41:00.022-06:00

Jessica and I went to Cody, Wyoming! Cody is the nearest city to Canyon Village (where I live) in Yellowstone. I wanted to go on a hike but Jessica said it would be worth my time - and she was right!

The drive to Cody was BEAUTIFUL. I'm not talking your normal mountains that are far off and pretty, I'm talking beauty that is all up in your face. Also, the weather at Canyon has been really gross (40 - 50s during the day and 30s at night- and cloudy/rainy), so to go to Cody (lower elevation) where it was 65 degrees and sunny was wonderful. It was more than wonderful, it was glorious!

See!? Beautiful! Jessica and I stopped at the Buffalo Bill Dam. It was neat. I am a little bit confused on how this dam works - it looked like it was taking water from a lake that was really low but it looked cool (and that's all that really matters).

This is the ball they use to clog up the dam. I think it's crazy that it's made out of wood, yet it's a sphere.

As Jessica and I were walking, this random guy said he would give us ride the visiter center (it's about 1/8 of a mile - aka not far at all) but his cart was full - so he promised he would give us a ride back to our car. And sure enough he kept his promise.

Also, here is proof Jessica doesn't like her picture taken (middle photo).

When we got to Cody, we did some thrift shopping and walk around the neighborhoods. It was nice to walk around houses. It actually felt like spring - flowers were blooming and trees were green. I found this really odd tree that appears to have a normal trunk but "birch tree like" limbs. Also, a baby deer.

My favorite food is Mexican food. So, of course we ate Mexican! It's really strange how much you start miss simply things like restaurants and food options.

Dear Blog readers,

please be thankful for the opportunities to go out to eat and tacos whenever you want. Some people do not have that luxury and it sucks.

I just thought this was weird:

After eating Mexican food and going to that weird place with all the big horn sheep heads, Jessica and I went shopping on the main street and we looked for Lance.

Back Story: I worked with Lance in 2008 at Old Faithful. I knew he lived in Cody but I had no idea where. Jessica thought maybe he had a job working at a fly fishing store but she wasn't sure.

And guess what!? WE FOUND LANCE. He does work at a fly fishing store!

It was really exciting to see him again. He said he would give me fly fishing lessons for free! And I've really want to learn how to fly fish. I hope he wasn't lying.

I really love Cody. I could see myself living there someday. Lance said they only get about an inch of snow in the winter and that sounds wonderful. Look how cool it is to drive around, the mountains are in the background all the time:

So, we left Cody and made our way back home to Yellowstone. But just as we were about 1/2 mile outside of the park, there was an unusually long line of cars:

I went to find out what was going on. Apparently, there was an avalanche and it would take about an hour to clear the road. Jessica took a pictures of me walking back and I liked them, so I'm posting them even though they don't serve a purpose.

We didn't want to wait in the car for an hour so we went to a little stop where Buffalo Bill's hunting house was. His house was closed but the gift shop was open:

We also walked around outside and enjoyed the nature:

I like this picture of Jessica (see if you can find the bison and the antelopes):

After an hour we headed back to Yellowstone. It was really scary driving over the road where the avalanche just happened, but we made it. And saw a bear!

The drive home was just as beautiful as the drive there. We stopped at an overlook of Yellowstone Lake and it was gorgeous. You could see the Grand Tetons (middle picture):

When we were about 20 minutes away from home, there were some cars in the middle of the road stopped taking photos. This is not uncommon. But I was super curious what they were taking photos of because it was so dark outside. As I drove by, I saw something that looked like a monkey in the tree. So I pulled over, grabbed my camera, and walked towards it. It was a porcupine!

And that ended the awesome trip to Cody, Wyoming. Here's some photos of me that I like but couldn't fit anywhere:

After Work Adventures 1 & 2

2011-06-13T01:20:00.011-06:00

After work adventures are 'da bomb'. I get off work at 5pm and I feel that many employees do not take advantage of their evenings in Yellowstone. But I sure do! Here are two of my most recent adventures:

Adventure #1:

Walking along Yellowstone River (by the Canyon) with Paolo and George

These are my goofball friends Paolo and George:

We went to the brink of the upper falls and skipped rocks on the Yellowstone River. At one point, I thought it would be fun to throw a giant rock into the river... but I pick a rock that was too big... so I as approached the river, I dropped it right in front me... causing a HUGE splash. Fortunately, I didn't get splashed at all. Unfortunately, Paolo did:

*remember, it's freezing out here still and the water is coldcoldcold (poor Paolo).

Sometimes, it can be a lot of fun to throw things over the cliff and into the river...

AND then! Paolo lifted up a huge rock and found this under it:

I thought it was a condom. Paolo thought it was a hidden note or something silly. As he carefully opened it....

... it revealed ... a hidden note from August 16, 2010 and a St. Christopher coin!

We then ventured to "Artist's Point" because it's so flippen beautiful - even on a rainy day:

ADHD moment: I love moss!

and this picture of myself!

Adventure #2:

Hiking along Cascade Creek with Haley, John, and George

It was Haley's idea and we all went along with it - just walk along the creek that's semi-near our dorms. Not going to lie, it was okay. We didn't take a trail or anything - just walked along creek... through snow and mud... even when the snow was knee deep. I'm whining, I'm sorry.

Okay, here's the background story. John, George, and I were going to hike to the bottom of the Lower Falls of the Canyon. John and George kept trying to get Haley to come but she said she didn't want to. She then said that she did want to do a hike along Cascade Creek. And the boys said "okay". Haley is prettier than me (and tanner and skinner) so I tried to go along with it but really I just pouted the whole time and thought about how awesome it would be to hike to the bottom of the lower falls.

But it turned out to be a pretty okay time and it was quite adventurous. We took a small break on a bridge and I snapped this photo:

And here's the real kicker: WE SAW A BEAR. I had never seen a bear while hiking so that was exciting/pee my pants scary. It was a black bear so it skidded away as soon as it saw us. But it was pretty close and it did stare at us for a few seconds before running off.

So after that, we kept walking... the boys wanted to the find the bear and I wanted to go home. I felt like we were lost the whole time and I didn't like that feeling. So, when I saw the road - I went home while they continued to walk through mud and snow. . .

and that was okay with me :)

Lake Yellowstone and Adventures with Jessica

2011-06-06T00:41:00.006-06:00

My day started out interesting...

I was awoken by my manager Jessica knocking on my door - she informed that James (a resident) sprang his ankle and he needed to be driven to the clinic at Lake Village (17 miles away). I was really sleeping and replied with a hazy "what?" She then informed that if I didn't drive him, he would have to take an ambulance that would cost a lot of money. So, the next thing I knew I was in my car with James and Caesar (his brother) listening to the Beatles and driving to Lake Village.

aww, brotherly love.

While James was getting his ankle checked out, I took the opportunity to walk around Lake Yellowstone. The lake is beautiful. It's about 17 miles long (I think) and right on the other side are gorgeous mountains. It was a good day to visit because it was one of the first warm days we had - meaning the ice on the lake was melting. I could hear it creaking and cracking and washing onto the shore.

I found a nice dead tree to sit on while I waited and read Blue Like Jazz.

Little tid bit about myself: I love the way dead trees look. I don't know why I find them so beautiful but I do. I was really excited when I found this tree (picture below) because not only is dead but you can see it's roots as well (also, there is a wonderful landscape behind it).

I went back to the clinic and James is going to be okay (yay!). I went to work and ate dinner with Jessica. By the way, if you were wondering who Jessica is - she is my manager and friend. There is an absence of photos of her because she doesn't like to have her picture taken (bummer, I know).

Anyways, Jessica and I had plans to hang out. We didn't have anything planned so we drove and ended up at the Upper Falls of Yellowstone River. These falls are INTENSE. They are so intense that I took a video and put it on YouTube. Watch this:

We then took a walk and I took pictures of things I like.

When we passed the goose again (about 20 minutes later), he was still there. I tried to throw a snowball at him. I am so evil but it was kind of fun.

We then drove to Artist's Point. This is the spot to see the Canyon. Maybe y'all are tired of seeing the Canyon or self portraits but I don't care - I'm going to keep posting them.

I couldn't decide which picture I liked best - so I posted both of them.

The absolutely cheesy, beautiful, wonderful, "so pretty it looks fake" Grand Canyon of Yellowstone

Fairy Falls

2011-06-04T23:23:00.018-06:00

I had the day off and I had to get out of the Canyon area and do something. My options were:

1) Go to West Yellowstone and order some pizza

2) Go to Cody and see the new X-men movie

3) Convince my friends to go to on a hike with me on their 5 hour break

After I checked my bank account, I went with #3. So, we (John, Paolo, and I) ate a quick dinner and headed to Fairy Falls. It's a 5.2 mile hike round trip to a beautiful waterfall that drops about 200 ft to a glimmering pool of water. It claimed the name "Fairy Falls" because the first visitors claimed to see dancing fairies as the water trickled down the cave-like cliff.

I was trying to be sly and take a candid photo of the boys walking on the trail but they noticed and started marching in unison. I really like hiking with them because they are very tall (I think John is 6'3") and I am average. It's kind of a fun feeling, I'm starting to see them as older brothers that are always goofing off.

Here are some cheesy pictures of me and the falls:

While I was wondering around and exploring, I realized the boys were not near me or the falls. Then I found them on the mountain side:

Can you find them?

Clue: Paolo is wearing black and John is wearing brown

We didn't run into any bears but we did see a lot of chipmunks and a couple bison:

As we were driving back and approaching Canyon Village - there was an ELK invasion! There were over 30 elk crossing the road right in front of us - single file style. It was beautiful.

All those tiny dots in the last photo are Elk.

I was really happy with the hike. Last time I was in Yellowstone, I weighed over 200 pounds. I am in much better shape now and I can tell. As I was typing the information about Fairy Falls, I couldn't believe that it was 5.2 miles. That is quite a distance for a hike that wasn't really planned ahead of time. We walked pretty fast and I never needed to stop to catch my breath - it was a great feeling.

Awww yeah! Feeling good and healthy!

Packages and Ice Lake

2011-06-03T22:49:00.008-06:00

I got my first care package a couple of days ago. I was really excited.

It was filled with all sorts of goodies from the boyfriend, including a love letter and poem.

Everybody say it with me, "awww!"

Yesterday was the "shakedown". Basically, Xanterra (the company I work for) opens the dining room for the employees so the servers and cooks can get practice before the dining room opens for real. It was awesome - you can order anything you want. I ordered Top Sirloin and it was delicious!

Apparently, we all don't know how to take a proper photo. I blame it on the classiness of the place throwing all of us out of whack.

Then, today I got another surprise package. This one was from amazon. . .

100 Tootsie Pops! I love Tootsie Pops!

Also, from the boyfriend. Say it again, "awww!"

So, if you read my earlier entry, you know I was feeling pretty down. I didn't do much of anything until 5. I knew John got off of work at 5, so I went to bug him to see if wanted to go to the General Store so I could buy some ChocoVine. I told him about how I was all bummed because I didn't do anything on my day off and I was feeling like a loser... and then he invited me on hike! It was great to get out of the Canyon area (I was getting antsy).

He didn't have a hike in mind. His plan was to just drive until we see a trail sign. So that's what we did. And we found "Ice Lake".

There was a ton of snow (as always) but the sun was shining so it wasn't so bad! Ice Lake was... well a lake that was frozen. It feels good to get out and hike and be on a trail and conquer. I don't know what it is about hiking - I mean, really - you are just walking. I love it.

And on the way home, I snapped a good photo of the mountain that we live by. It's gorgeous!

I still feel antsy - which is kind of bummer. I really need to get out and meet some folks. Maybe I'll do that now. I have another day off tomorrow and I'm kind of dreading it because I don't have anything to do. I know! I'll get out of my stupid room and make some friends that hopefully have the day off too.

Also, I could be getting sick. I feel a slight cold coming. . . uh oh... (that could play a part in my depression level).

The Down Side

2011-06-03T15:23:00.002-06:00

As much I would love to pretend everything always happy and great in Yellowstone, the truth is that sometimes I'm sad and miss home.

Last night was awful. I don't know what happen. Everything was going good until last night. I work 10 pm - 2 am (noise control). And there was this guy that really nerved me - he was kind of a jerk. And for some reason, this guy treating me poorly hit some kind of emotional response that poured out longings of home.

I'm really missing home right now. I feel lonely and I miss my good friends that I am completely comfortable with. Everything here is strange - I'm always wondering about who I will sit with in the cafeteria or what I'll do after work. It's like I'm constantly fighting against doing things by myself. Which is really strange because I'm normally a very independent person.

I've also been self-conscience. I don't know where that came from either. And I realized all this last night - it was a lot to take in. I felt like a loser with no friends that nobody liked.

That's another thing - friends. I'm a really friendly person but I don't want to be friends with everybody. I'm an introvert and I prefer to hang out with people one-on-one to get to know them. Well, everybody here seems to hang out with 6 or 7 people. And that is just too many people for my enjoyment levels. As a result, I haven't made much friends outside of the personnel department (the department I work in).

Maybe I need to step out of my comfort zone a little bit more and ask people hang out. I'm being so childish and letting my fears of rejection control my life.

Sorry this entry is such a downer and there aren't fun pictures of canyons or bears. I'm just trying to keep it real and honest.

Canyon - hiking the North Rim

2011-05-31T21:30:00.009-06:00

After work adventures!

Driving around Yellowstone is the best. This was the mode of transportation chosen for today:

*This is Paolo's truck - her name is Chelsea. Chelsea is messy but fun to drive around in. She can hit every pothole and still be okay.

Paolo and I went to "The Grand Canyon of Yellowstone National Park". It's pretty sweet and just like most beautiful things, pictures do not do it justice. It's a Canyon that's that up to 900 feet deep, half a mile wide and 24 miles long. YES, 24 miles long! - Take that "Grand Canyon of Arizona"!

This is the classy/cheezy picture (that does the real thing no justice) of the Grand Canyon.

Sometimes it can be really hard to pose for a picture (as seen above). I had no idea what to do with my legs. When I lifted up my legs for the middle photo, Paolo almost had a heart attack because he thought I was going to fall off (the other side is a huge drop and would result in sudden death). While Paolo was freaking out, I almost peed my pants.

O yeah, I forgot to mention. We were hiking. We hiked "North Rim Trail". So, when I almost peed my pants, I really almost peed my pants because there were no bathrooms around. The trail goes all along a steep cliff so there really wasn't anywhere in the woods I could go either. THEN, I found a place :)

Yes, that is a picture of where I peed. The snow was really deep. It has to be noted because it was my first outdoor pee of the season. Woop woop!

Oh yeah, going back to awkward posing. I caught Paolo awkwardly trying to get a better photo of the Canyon:

On the hike, we saw many pretty things. . .

. . . like a tiny cascading river and a rainbow.

Okay, now for the cheesy self portraits with the Canyon:

Gosh, I love that coat.

I really like this one. I didn't know what to do (kind of like the awkward legs from before) so I started waving my arms and hey! it worked!

I found these sunglasses in Paolo's car. He said I could have them. I said, "No, thanks. They give me a uni-brow".

I love this place so much. If ANY of you want to come visit, please please please feel welcome to. I have an air mattress that you can sleep on and I know all the best places to go. I would love to have you.

EDIT.

I almost forgot the most exciting part of my day! Marcus surprised visited Jessica and I! Marcus was a co-worker from my summer in 2008 at Old Faithful. He is really awesome and it was great to see him. He took a picture of us on his camera but I didn't get one. But here's a photo from 2008:

I love Yellowstone! Black Bear, Dragons Mouth, and Bison Carcass

2011-05-30T21:30:00.007-06:00

I love Yellowstone! I love Yellowstone so much! Why you ask? Because this place is crazy! There are bears and bison and mud pots and crazy things everywhere you turn!

Anyways, today was average. It's strange how average includes seeing a black bear, boiling mud, and a bison carcass. I love average!

Paolo, Kate, Jesse and I went driving through Hayden Valley to the Mud Volcano. Yes, I was there yesterday. But it's so awesome! Here is a video of "The Dragons Mouth":

*You can't hear it real well on the video but this thing sounds like it's breathing. It's real deep and creepy and awesome.

Also, on the way we saw a black bear in a tree. It was my first black bear of the season! You can't see it real well in the photos but I was pretty close. It was curled up into a ball.

First photo - you can see the ears. Second photo - you can see the snout.

Back to Mud Volcano.... Here is the view when walking down back to the car. I love seeing the steam in the distance. Yellowstone is so magical.

Okay. WARNING!!! The next photos are graphic and not for the faint of heart. Jesse and Kate said they saw a bison carcass when walking. Paolo and I thought that sounded sweet so we had to see it. After some confusing directions we found it! It was nasty!

*Paolo is gross for touching it. Kate touched it too. They are both gross.

*You can see all its body parts laying around. Paolo is by the legs and there is a rib by Jesse.

Sorry, this blog post was so ADD. I'm in a bit of hurry - need to work in 7 minutes and I don't have pants on. Uh oh...

Bed Adventures, Snow Crazy, and The Mud Volcano

2011-05-29T20:14:00.010-06:00

Oh, what a day! Work started with a mattress/bed frame adventure...

We have this room that we cram all the stuff we don't need into. It's packed - you can barely get the door open. Well, one of my residents informed me that his bed doesn't have legs (AKA his mattress is on the floor and he needs head boards). That is a problem. It was even a bigger problem when we realized that the head boards were all the way in the corner of the room we crammed too much stuff into.

It was crazy. I was making a sour puss face because I got a splinter. After much blood and sweat, we got the head boards and fixed the bed (which was also a feat of it's own).

Then it was dinner time. We have been getting a lot of snow the past couple days (yes, I know it's May 29). Despite how depressing it is people are making the best of it- making forts and having snow ball fights.

#1) Check out how high the snow is in the "tunnel" that we walk through to get the EDR (employee dining room).

#2) Look how skinny I look!

After dinner, Jessica and I ventured to Hayden valley. We ended up at "mud volcano". There's a bunch of spewing mud. It hisses and bubbles and it quite cool.

This is from one of the spewing cauldrons. It was mixing the mud and water into pretty spirals. You can't see it real well in the original so I "auto enhanced" it. It's pretty cool.

SPEWING water and tiny mud pots

I love this stuff. It's so crazy and bizarre. It's like I live on the moon or mars or something.

When I returned to the dorms people were having a good time so I joined them.

Please note the snow grizzly - also the dinosaur.

I thought this was real cute.

I found an alien.

Car Trouble

2011-05-28T21:45:00.002-06:00

If you read yesterday, you know my car broke down after watching some grizzly bears for an hour. Well, it didn't really brake down - just my battery died. So, after dinner my friend Paolo and I drove out to jump it.

On our way we saw some internationals with a flat tire. So, we pulled over and helped them out. And by we, I mean Paolo. I took pictures.

Once Paolo fixed them all up, we drove to my car and I learned how to use jumper cables!

My honda is up and running and safely parked away from grizzly bears.

Tonight I had to lead a dorm meeting. We got about 40 new people that moved in today, so a lot of new faces. I gotta say I'm pretty pumped. Everybody seems really nice and cool. It's 9:56 pm - I better get to work (I work noise control from 10 pm to 2 am).

My First Day Off

2011-05-27T23:20:00.012-06:00

Today was my first day off. I have been dying to go hiking since about 3 years ago. Since Canyon (where I live) just got 4 inches of snow, I decided to try Old Faithful (lower in elevation). I lived at Old Faithful in 2008 and my favorite hike in that area was Fern Cascades. It's actually a really lame hike but I liked it because it was a place I could go to be alone and think. So, today was I was really excited to hike it. Since I was by myself, I stopped at the Ranger's Station and ask if there had been any recent bear sightings in the Fern Cascades area. There hasn't been - so I was good to go. I set off all excited and nervous. . .

only to get to the trail and it looked like this:

Damn it!

Since I have been dying to hike, I tried it anyways. The first 10 feet weren't bad. There were lots of dead trees that I could climb on and if I avoided the really deep snow (over 5 ft) I would be okay. The snow was so compact that I was able to walk gracefully on top of it - until I fell in and was waist deep in snow.

I was pretty bummed so I walked over to Old Faithful to watch the infamous geyser go off.

Yeah. . . like Mt. Rushmore it was foggy. But unlike Mt. Rushmore, it was freezing and snowy. Gosh, I'm complaining a lot. I'm sorry (not really). I want me some sunshine!

Despite the absence of sunshine, driving through Yellowstone is one of my favorite things to do. Here is a mini collage:

Things to focus on (left to right):

Curvy roads, Bison jam, Snow higher than my car, Winter wonderland

THEN, a miracle happened!!!! SUNSHINE!!

It was beautiful. I smiled.

I got back to Canyon early so I decided to head out to Hayden Valley to search out some wildlife. I was successful and found a grizzly and two cubs.

I sat in my car for about an hour and just watched them. It was relaxing. . . . until my car wouldn't start. I killed the battery - oops. I hitched a ride back home and now my honda sits all alone with some grizzlies.*

It was a really good day off. Despite the snow, I still love Yellowstone. I am bummed that I can't go hiking but the snow will be gone soon. Besides, there is a lot of other things to do other than hike - like my job.

*Dear Mom, don't worry - the ride I hitched was with some other employees and my friend Paolo is going to help me jump it tomorrow.

My Lonely 26 Hour Road Trip Out West

2011-05-23T21:19:00.011-06:00

I drove (well over) 26 hours to get to Yellowstone National Park. I am working here for the summer as a Resident Coordinator (like an RA) of one of the staff dorms. I drove by myself and this was my adventure. It began in Chicago at Rita and Gerard's - no pictures (sad face). Then, it went to Minnesota - where I stayed at Rita's parents house.

They were very nice people and let me plant soybean seeds (okay, really I just rode in the tracker).

They were so nice that while I was working hard planting soy bean seeds, they fixed my flappy bumper! No more flappy bumper!

I love Moosejaw (as in the mountaineering company). So, I had to stop for lunch at this Moosejaw (as in the pizza and beer company). It was the first time I ate at a sit down restaurant by myself. It wasn't so bad. I did get a little lonely. . .

I saw a sign for the Badlands National Park. I wasn't planing on going but then I figured "heck! Why not?" So I paid the hefty $15 entrance fee and ventured to the unknown.

I'm so glad I did! It was amazing - a whole new world.

Part of the reason I was thinking of not going was because it was raining and miserable out. Here is my proof:

This sign really scared me as I walked a path into the middle of nowhere (check out the mountains in the back):

The infamous WALL DRUG:

The adventure continued to Devils Tower. This is something I have always wanted to see. It's a giant rock formation that jets up from the ground. Native Americans think it's spiritual.

See? Absolutely crazy looking!

The sad part of traveling alone is nobody can take your picture. There weren't many strangers either. Here is a failed picture of me and Devils Tower.

Mt. Rushmore was also an epic failure:

Finally, I knew I was getting close when I saw these kinds of signs (which, make me very nervous):

And I saw my first BISON (my favorite animal):

I made it to Yellowstone and ordered a pizza because I was hungry. I made three friends while I waited for it to cook and got a free liter of Diet Coke (I love it out here).

The next day, I went to orientation and eventually made it to my new home. This is my backyard:

Okay, I lied. That is not my backyard but it is REALLY close - 3/4 of mile walk with a cool boulder on the way:

This is my real backyard:

Yes, I took that today (about an hour ago) and yes there is that much snow... on May 26. Ugg.

But alas, I am here and happy. I love it here. I love breathing the mountain air and friendly people. I love my job and my co-workers. I love that tomorrow is my day off and I have many awesome options of places I could go. I could go see Old Faithful or go white water rafting or hike the canyon or read or see a grizzly. Yipps! I love it here.

I love to win.

2011-05-10T12:21:00.004-06:00

These past couple weeks have been stressful and I don't really know why. It is the end of the school year meaning papers, tests, and projects but the end is always like that and I don't ever remember feeling that stressed out.

But that segment of my life is over and I am back to normal (I think). Tomorrow is my last day of classes and I leave for Yellowstone National Park in a week.

The best part of last week was going to a Kentucky Derby Party.

I won "best overall female outfit". That was a really good feeling. I love winning. O YEAH, I unlocked the red haired princess on Mario cart. Apparently her name is Daisy- she has a really annoying voice. But it made me feel like a winner and I like that feeling.

Here are some things I want to blog about before I leave: The awesomeness of Yellowstone National Park, mon petit ami (my boyfriend), and my ADHD (and how I deal with it).

Stress

2011-04-28T12:53:00.005-06:00

I am very very very stressed today. Look at these negative factors:

(acne present)

HELP!

2011-04-25T11:23:00.004-06:00

I'm addicted to Mario Cart.

I think about it all the time.

I just want to unlock the red haired princess.

Judging people

2011-04-20T13:59:00.005-06:00

I read this blog entry today: Joe Rogan's story. I found it very inspiring and true. Here is an except:

When you hear someone’s story, they are no longer just an idea or an object, they become a human. They become a five year old who had terrifying things thrust on them or a 12 year old who never learned what it feels like to be safe or a single mom who is trying to balance three kids, a job and a million other responsibilities. Stories make 2D people 3D. And in the process, they make it nearly impossible for you to judge someone.

I love that! Read it again - "Stories make 2D people 3D."

***Side note: There is a weakness in this way of thinking - if something terrible has happened to somebody in the past, does that make it okay for them to do bad things or be a bad person? This is besides the point of my blog entry, I just wanted to throw it out there.

Back to judging. I judge people all the time and I hate myself for it. I feel like everybody has a unique set of standards that they hold a person to. For some people their standards are things like never wear black with brown or don't be democrat/republican. If one of those standards are broken that person will judge them as less of a human being (That's kind of my personal definition of "judging" - seeing somebody as less of a human being, instead of the fearfully and wonderfully made person God made them).

Here is my raw moment - my personal standards: I am most likely to judge you...

if you are Christian Reformed
if you wear out dated or poorly fitted clothes
if you are not smart - i.e. you don't have valid reasons to back up arguments
if you are just like all of your friends
if you are in a bad situation and you won't do anything to get yourself out of it (you're lazy)
if you are a flake
if your children are throwing a tantrum in a public place
if you live in Grand Rapids and go to Rags yet have never heard of HopCat
if you judge me first

I think it's good to recognize my standards. Next time I go to judge somebody I can remember that it doesn't really matter what they are wearing or what background they were raised in. And even if they are doing something bad or sinful, it's not my place to judge them.* They were made by God and we really aren't all that different. They deserve my love just as much as everybody else.

*There is a time and a place for recognizing sin when done by a brother or sister in Christ - I am not talking about this. I actually still have mixed feelings if we are suppose to judge their sins. I feel like it should be left to God but at the same time confronted.

Yeah!

From 'I love you' to 'I can't live without you'

2011-04-19T13:55:00.001-06:00

Enjoy!

Look what else I found!

2011-04-16T00:19:00.002-06:00

I feel bad for some of these kids, I'm freaked out watching this and I'm in bed.

P.S. Sometimes I procrastinate going to sleep...

P.S.S. I was so funny in 2008 (I highly recommend you go and read entries from September)

I found them!

2011-04-15T19:22:00.003-06:00

Spring Cleaning!

on a friday night. :(

Look what still fits after 7 years!

I made these my junior year in high school. I was "artsy" and made my own clothes (by buying jeans at gap and sewing on a flower with old rags and drawing on them with a sharpie). Those were the days. . .

They kind of give me a front butt now. I'll take that as a sign of maturity and spiritual growth.

New Job!

2011-04-15T15:41:00.007-06:00

I got a job as a dog walker!

Look how cute I can be:

Okay, let's be realistic: I will never look like that. My calves are never going to be that thin and I don't wear heals (or skirts above my knee).

This is more like it:

Okay, I'm not that lazy.

This is what I will actually look like:

Minus the backpack plus a dog.

I don't know why I thought it was important to share that with you. I guess I'm really pumped about my new job. I can put on all my future resumes that I was a dog walker - something that takes hard work, skill, and dedication. Seriously, my resume kicks butt compared to yours.

My Personal Environmental Impact

2011-04-13T12:13:00.002-06:00

I've almost killed a whole tree!*

*Correction - I have almost killed 1% of a tree. My bad.

Broiled Portobello Mushroom "Pizzas"

2011-04-12T11:37:00.005-06:00

I have gotten 2 requests for this recipe and I have procrastinated long enough! Here you are, Rita and Holly!

I got this recipe from The Complete Vegan Cookbook. This cookbook is amazing for healthy, feel-good recipes (bonus: they weren't too vegan-y). This recipe is really simple and can be made with non-vegan ingredients. It makes 4 "pizzas" but I would say it serves 2, maybe 3. It's one of my favorite dishes to make when I have a friend over for lunch because it's easy to prep ahead of time and tastes great.

Broiled Portobello Mushroom "Pizzas"

4 medium portobello mushrooms

1/2 teaspoon salt

1/4 teaspoon ground black pepper

1 canned tomatoes, drained

1/2 cup finely chopped fresh spinach leaves

2 tablespoons minced fresh basil leaves

2 cloves garlic

1/2 teaspoon dried oregano

1/2 course dry break crumbs

1/2 cup shredded soy cheese (or just normal mozzarella cheese)

1 1/2 tablespoons olive oil

Preheat the broiler.

Pop off stems of the mushrooms - wipe off any bits of soil. Sprinkle caps with salt and pepper and place mushrooms cap side down on a broiler pan (I always put aluminum foil on the pan for easy clean up). Place pan about 6 inches from heat source and cook until lightly browned and tenderized, about 8 to 10 minutes.

Meanwhile, combine the tomatoes, spinach, basil, garlic, oregano, and remaining salt and pepper in a mixing bowl. Toss to combine well and set aside. In a separate bowl, combine bread crumbs, soy cheese, and olive oil. Toss to combine well and set aside.

When mushrooms caps are ready, turn them over and spoon in tomato filling evenly into the caps. Top evenly with the bread crumb mixture. Return the pan the broiler and cook until cheese has melted and the crumbs are lightly browned, about 4 to 5 minutes. Serve immediately.

Note: I almost always end up burning the bread crumb mixture and while it looks nasty, it still tastes fine. But you can avoid this by carefully watching the "pizzas" and constantly checking on them after 1 minute under the broiler.

Enjoy!

Happy Monday!

2011-04-11T06:21:00.000-06:00

This never fails to make me smile on Monday mornings:

enjoy!

23rd Birthday Bash at Viceroy

2011-04-07T23:46:00.005-06:00

Thanks to all the friends that came out. It was a really really great night.

Couscous Confetti Salad

2011-04-07T23:04:00.005-06:00

I was feeling really depressed today. And not the "I'm sad but everything is great" kind of depression, it was the "I'm sad and everything is falling apart, so I'm going to climb into my bed and lay there for two weeks" kind of depression. So, I climb into bed and prepared my body for two weeks of laying there. . . but I got bored after about 3 hours. So, I decided to go grocery shopping and make Couscous Confetti Salad. And folks, it was as good as the title claims - a real party to swing me back into happy land.

I loved making this! I used to never make/like salads like this because my social media always told me salads have lettuce. This has whole wheat couscous, carrot, green onion, parsley, and red pepper. But despite the absence of lettuce, I loved it! It was a lot of chopping but it's so healthy and I can just pop it into my mouth right out of the fridge.

That's shredded carrot (not cheese). It was my first time shredding a carrot and I have to be honest- I felt like I was torturing it to death.

RIP carrot

That's a lot Couscous Confetti Salad.

Close up!

Also, I don't know why blogger underlines everything after a upload a picture. Usually I go through some work to undo it but tonight I am too lazy.

Funny Picture!

I'm tired! (take #2)

2011-04-03T16:43:00.006-06:00

I took a picture in case you didn't believe me.

My to-do list is overwhelming. I'm exhausted just thinking about it. It's strange how a thought about a to-do list can be exhausting. Americans are weird. I can't help but think that if I was born in France maybe I wouldn't be so exhausted all the time. I learned in class that they eat baguette with almost every meal. That sounds nice.

Oh gag. I'm procrastinating on my exhaustive to-do list- it's making me more exhausted. Oh, life- just let me day dream about being French.

It's my birthday!

2011-03-29T15:21:00.010-06:00

I made Strawberry Génoise - a French cake that is slightly dense and not too sweet filled with whipped cream and strawberries. It doesn't have any leaven (yeast, baking power, baking soda) in it, so I had to use beaters* to whip the eggs for 8 minutes so it would rise.

The French cake was delicious! I would say it's very close to short bread. Because mine had strawberries, it reminded me of strawberry shortcake but maybe a little better.

*I borrowed the beaters and returned them to my friend before I made the whipped cream. That was a bad decision. I whipped the whip cream by hand and now I am very sore.

I'm hungry!

2011-03-28T22:44:00.002-06:00

Why do I get so hungry after I go to bed!? I'm so hungry right now.

I want the following:

Yes, please!

Dramatic News Story

2011-03-27T21:08:00.002-06:00

I don't think I've ever read anything more hateful (or dramatic) on a news website:

"No Fun Forecast: Stupid winter cold will not let up for the foreseeable future"

*Although, I must say: If anybody is aloud to complain, it would be me. Because it might snow on my birthday - which is March 29th. But you know what!? I can't control the weather, so there really is no reason to complain. Because complaining gets you nowhere.

Traveling

2011-03-27T12:49:00.004-06:00

There is something magical about traveling. I don't know what it is, but getting away from home helps me relax, think, and re-evaluate my life. My biggest growing moments (or realizations) have happened while traveling. I become inspired and creative. It's magical and I need to do it more often.

Feather Earrings!

2011-03-23T15:34:00.004-06:00

I am obsessed with these earrings!!!

I need to go out and buy more outfits to match them.

Simplicity . . .

2011-03-23T13:10:00.003-06:00

Trying to be simple. . . AGAIN- Why is it so hard to be simple?

Simple: holding onto what you need, being organized, having space, and making time for what matters.

Here are my struggles:

Getting rid of old crap. I don't need it but there is a demon whispering in my ear, "you might need it someday." Go away, I won't need this crap.
I'm lazy - it's easier to shove all the Tupperware into the cupboard than to find the matching lids and stack it pretty.
I'm a 'piler'. I stack everything into piles- mail, homework, books, magazines, recipes, etc. And then the piles never get touched. . . until I need something that is very important and I frantically look through ever pile making a HUGE mess of every pile. It's awful - stupid piles.
I'm also a 'hider'. When I have people over and stuff everywhere and I have 5 minutes to clean, I hide everything. I cram it where ever it can go - usually closets but not always. I have stuffed dirty dishes in the oven before.
I procrastinate. I find myself usually resting before I start working. For example, I will think "Okay, I'll watch one episode of This American Life and THEN I will start cleaning." But it never works that way! Because the internet sucks me in like a black hole.

Writing out these struggles makes me realize how easy it would be to overcome them. I'm going to start being simple, starting now!

Well first, I need to organize- I am going to go organize, starting now!

I have no idea what the I.W.W. is but I'm joining it!

Ellen Degeneres

2011-03-21T14:25:00.001-06:00

I have spent an hour and a half watching Ellen youtube clips. I love this woman. She is upbeat, positive, and all around a wonderful human being. She has the ability to make anybody smile and feel special. She is great at loving people and people love her for it. Sorry mom, I have a new role model and it's Ellen Degeneres.

Life Lesson #1

2011-03-16T14:16:00.003-06:00

Do laundry at least once a week.

I think this life lesson is the key to maintaining a happy, healthy, clean wardrobe. Which really is a win-win situation because then I am a happy, healthy, clean person. Which is an even bigger win-win situation because then the world is a happy, healthy, clean world.

I am positive that the only reason Grand Rapids has been so cloudy and sad recently is because I haven't done my laundry. Here is a picture:

Yikes!! That is a lot of laundry. My mother would be so disappointed in me. I hate doing laundry. It's my least favorite chore. I hate sorting the clothes, doing the whole washing machine thing, taking them out, folding them, and putting them away. The putting them away thing is usually what gets me - I will fold them and then leave in the laundry basket. And that's a really bad idea! Because then my new dirty clothes have no where to go and when I need a shirt its usually in the bottom of the laundry basket so when I'm scrambling to look for it I end up unfolding all the other clean clothes, throwing them on the floor, and mixing them up with dirty ones. THEN my room is a disaster! ALL because of laundry!

But if I did my laundry once a week, it would not be such a big deal because I would have about 2 pairs of pants and 5 shirts to wash. And that's easy!

Dear Mom,

I am going to try to follow my new life lesson and do my laundry once a week.

Love, Annie

Recent happenings. . . .

2011-03-15T16:30:00.003-06:00

I saw Mike Birbiglia. He's a comedian from New York. It was really funny. I think laughing is good for your soul. Watch this:

I have also been eating way too much Taco Bell.

Man, I love this place so much. Probably too much. Please don't ever tell me the calorie counts of the cheesy fiesta potatoes, nachos supreme, or the bean and rice burrito.

I bought a 5 pound bag of oranges for $2.99.

and as of two minutes ago, I might be late to tutoring. O well, I would rather be blogging.

I need a cool Grand Rapids bumper sticker.

I'm cooking a special secret surprise dinner tomorrow. I'm really excited.

I'm tired!

2011-03-13T11:28:00.002-06:00

My Friday night. . .

2011-03-11T19:33:00.008-07:00

My friend Danielle and I were talking and she asked me something along the lines of "Do you feel old for your age?"

I know I am only 22 but I do feel old. It's Friday night at 9:38 pm and I am home - and I like it. My Friday night started with my brother and I going to my favorite brew pub, Hopcat. If you get there before 6, you can get a burger, beer, and crack fries for $6! It's a steal! (Also, apparently Hopcat is a really big deal in the beer drinking world. It's rated 3rd best beer bar in the world by beer advocate and I highly recommend going if you are in the area)

So, I was done with dinner at about 6:05. Picked up some goodies at the grocery store and hung out with my brother till about 8:19. Then I talked to the boyfriend on the phone for a little while (more about that later - in a future post) and now I am blogging.

Here is what is on my mind:

Number One: I am tired!

Number Two: I put my hair like this to avoid the mullet look. For some strange reason I thought you should know that.

Look at this cupcake I bought at Meijer! It was beautiful and only $1.49. I don't care if you think that's a lot for a cupcake - it's a work of art. About 2 seconds after took these photos, I ate it and too be honest now I have a sugar headache. Or it could be from the chocolate wine. . .

Did I say chocolate wine!? I meant to say ChocoVine! This stuff is delicious! If you like chocolate and wine, you will love this! To be honest, it tastes a bit like chocolate milk with a special kick. You gotta try it if you haven't - it's only like 10 bucks a bottle and it is worth every penny!

So this is my Friday night. Now, I am going to scrub off this make-up, take off these brain-sucking pig tails, and crawl into bed to read my newest book:

A Million Miles in a Thousand Years.

Goodnight world - don't have too much fun without me.

Maybe I'll "feel" younger or even "my age" next weekend. But for now, I feel old.

Now, let me go drink my chocolate milk wine and eat my second cupcake like an old person.

My difficult struggle with growing out my hair

2011-03-10T17:02:00.014-07:00

I have officially decided to grow my hair out. I have had (cute, adorable, sleek, stylish) short hair for too long. This is really hard because I adore my (cute, adorable, sleek, stylish) short hair and hate (awkward, mullet, ugly) medium length hair. It all started last year (perhaps earlier) when I watched The Bachelor and I saw Gia's hair:

Gosh, it's beautiful! I saw how she was able to flip it and run her fingers through it (it was SO sexy!) and I thought "I want that!" So, I tried to get that and failed. I always fail. I go back and forth and back and forth and it always ends with me at the salon telling Braden (my hairdresser) "O what the heck, I love it short! - Let's do short again!" I will even drive to the salon thinking "No! I'm growing it out, get just a trim Annie!" And then I walk into the salon, pull a John Kerry and flip flop. And I walk out with cute short hair (and happy too).

Until recently when I overcame the hardest part of this year long battle of trying to grow it out: I went to the salon I told Braden just a trim please. That was 2 weeks ago. Now, it's in this awkward mullet stage and I HATE it. I can't stand it. I want to run into Braden's arms and scream "cut it all off!" -But I don't do that and here is my motivation (and why it's so hard).

Motivation:

I love this hair so much that I set it as my background on my laptop. I could have hair like this! My hair is a bit lighter in color but my hair is that thick. This picture is my light at the end of the tunnel. I can go through the awkward mullet phase because I can have this. I am determined to be patient.

For those of you wondering "what's this awkward hair stage Annie keeps talking about?"

Here's the best photos I could find:

I realize I am wearing a scarf in both photos - that's because I was trying to hide my mullet. But do you see what I mean? It's awkward and it gets worse after it grows a couple more inches. Look how cute I am with short hair!:

In both photos my hair was so easy to style. I mean, look at me! I look like an angel! O gosh, I'm already flip flopping again. To stay on topic, here is some more unmotivation:

My hair didn't even look good when it was long! But than again, look at me - I had a middle part, no layers, and no bangs. What was I thinking!? I could've been so much better looking! (Also, in case you were wondering why my hair looks so dark, it's because sunlight has made my hair much more blonde over the years. Booooo sunlight!)

But here's some motivation:

It's looks awesome pinned up. Okay, I don't know that yet but I can guesstimate that it will. I am so excited to put it up for formal events and play with it. O gosh! I miss playing with my hair. So I guess the awkward mullet journey of my life will continue. Here is a look at my future:

Please still be my friend.

But ya know what!? I'm going to do it. I can do it! I hope I can do it. . .

No flip flops!

I'm a vegan!

2011-01-02T20:31:00.001-07:00

Read about it:

(click the picture)

Snail mail is love.

2010-11-14T13:12:00.002-07:00

I love getting letters in the mail. There is something so personal and lovely about getting a hand written, heart felt letter. I love opening the mail box, seeing the letter, rushing inside so I can put my stuff down, sitting down, opening the envelope, and reading the letter. There is such a rush to it- an emotional high. Then, you can keep the letter forever in a special place to be looked at again in times of loneliness. They are love that is always there for you, just waiting to be re-read so your heart can feel warm again.

What has been on my mind. . .

2010-11-12T09:16:00.007-07:00

I broke up with my boyfriend. That's been on my mind a lot recently. But even more on my mind is Jesus and God. All of sudden, I feel slapped in the face with reality of what it really means to be a Christian woman.

I'm reading two books right now that are really transforming my thoughts. They are Bittersweet by Shauna Neiquist and The Thrill of the Chaste by Dawn Eden. I love these two books.

Let me share with you one of my favorite sections of Bittersweet. This is a chapter about being 25, when "you are young enough to believe that anything is possible, and you are old enough to make that belief a reality." In this particular section Shauna is talking about relationships and when is it wise to leave one (it's lengthy, but trust me it's good):

"Now is also the time to get serious about relationships. And 'serious' might mean walking away from the ones that don't give you everything you need. Some of the most life-shaping decisions you make in this season will be about walking away from good-enough, in search of can't-live-without. One of the only truly devastating mistakes you make in this season is staying with the wrong person even though you know he or she is the wrong person. It's not fair to that person, and it's not fair to you.

My friend Chrissie and her boyfriend were together for ten years, since college. He's a great guy, but throughout their relationship, several people had told Chrissie that they observed a fundamental mismatch. They didn't fit together at all. But she stayed, out of love and hope and commitment, and then he proposed. And they just couldn't get the wedding planned. They couldn't agree on where or when or how many people, so they stopped planning for a while. In the meantime, she went to South Africa with a group from our church to work with AIDS orphans, and while she was there, she felt alive and full of purpose for the first time in years. When she returned her fiancé wasn't all that interested in hearing about it.

All the things her friends had been saying for years clicked into place, and a few weeks later, she gave back the ring. She's literally like a new person these days, full of bright energy, hope, clarity. And those things are worth a whole lot more than a diamond from the wrong man, even if he's a really good man, like this one was."

-From Bittersweet by Shauna Neiquist (pg 87-88)

I have read this section so many times, I almost have it memorized. I'm not going to get into the nitty-gritty of why my boyfriend and I didn't work out, but this section really encapsulates the idea of why it couldn't work - two puzzle pieces that just didn't fit together.

I feel brighter, healthier, and more "glowy" than I have in a long time. I am really searching and seeking out truth. The Thrill of the Chaste is a book about how to be a single woman and still find fulfillment. I am learning that I shouldn't define myself by what I lack, but what I have. Here is another quote:

"A woman with the courage to step into the unknown, risking temporary loneliness for a shot at lasting joy is more than 'single'. She's singular. Instead of defining herself by what she lacks - a relationship with a man - she defines herself by what she has: a relationship with God.

... A singular woman bases her actions on how they will enable her to be the person she believes God wants her to be. If she longs to be married, she trusts that God has a pan for her and that a husband is a part of that plan."

- From The Thrill of the Chaste by Dawn Eden (pg 29)

I love this. I really need to focus on the idea of trusting God and building my relationship with Him before I start to build a relationship with a man. Yes, I think this could be lonely for a while but God is something that is so much bigger than any man I will ever meet and I need to find Him first.

yes, today is a new day

Health Kick

2010-10-18T12:56:00.003-06:00

I've been on a health kick recently.

It feels good, it feels REALLY good. Sometimes I feel like everything around me is telling me to be healthy (media, journal studies, friends, professors, doctors), and now I can say "yep, I am doing my best". No more inner guilt from eating crap food or being lazy. It's almost easier to eat healthy and exercise than to make excuses for eating crap food and being lazy.

I have to be honest: I feel a little guilty writing this now - this past weekend, I ate a lot of bad food. The boyfriend came to visit and it was all downhill from there. We play the blame game on who's idea it was to get taco bell. twice.

It's part of the reason I decided to write this entry because I felt so bad after eat crap food. I felt sluggish, lazy, tired, and fat. It was bloody awful. It really reminded me of why I am striving to eat healthy.

So, today I started fresh and learned from my weekend. I feel way better when eating healthy, fulfilling foods. I'm not completely convinced that working out makes me feel better. Well, I feel stronger, but it doesn't make me happy. It's an internal debate.

I found this in another blog and thought I would share:

10 Ways to Good Health

Less alcohol, more tea.
Less meat, more vegetables.
Less salt, more vinegar.
Less sugar, more fruit.
Less eating, more chewing.
Less words, more action.
Less greed, more giving.
Less worry, more sleep.
Less driving, more walking.
Less anger, more laughter.

I really like this. It's good wisdom.

I don't know. I'm just trying to figure out the key to being healthy. It's hard. Why do I indulge in Taco Bell when I know it makes me feel like crap? Why is it almost unnatural to be healthy? - Shouldn't it be easy?

Well, here's some advice I know for sure: eat fruits and vegetables before they go bad.

I'm back!

2010-10-05T17:06:00.003-06:00

and better than ever!

In recent news. . . I've started to work out! Shocking, I know. But it feels so good! Okay, I've only gone 3 times, but I'm making it mandatory that I go 3 times a week.

Why am I doing this?

Because I am 22 years old and out of shape. Seriously, being out of shape sucks. I get out of breath after walking up 2 flights of stairs. THAT IS RIDICULOUS. I'm only 22! I am sick and tired of not being 'fit'. I am scared to take my required gym classes at school because everybody else is going to be more in shape than I am. Ug. It's ruining my life.

BUT NOT ANYMORE!

I'm working out. I'm going to get strong and healthy and it's going to rock! yeah!

So because of my new commitment, I bought new workout pants, a sports bar (I have never bought one of those before), and a small ipod shuffle (which I got for FREE, thanks Chase Freedom Credit Card!).

You probably think I am really excited about this?

Not really. I hate working out, it sucks. Why should I spend my time getting hot and sweaty? There are a million other fun things to do out there. My face gets all red, and I don't know how to get rid of my damn panty lines or prevent a wedgie from happening on the elliptical. But as much as I hate it, I'm going to bunker down and do it. Because to quote my favorite music artist: "I want to be stronger than yesterday."

Future me.

Americans Make Goals

2010-08-09T15:38:00.003-06:00

Why do I feel the need to always be accomplishing something? Americans make goals. Maybe I shouldn't stereotype - I make goals - and "to-do" lists. Lots and lots of to-do lists. I must always be accomplishing something, otherwise I feel guilty. Now, I'm not saying to do lists are bad, but they create themselves around me until I am trapped within them. A prison of things to do. I am trapped, so I take a seat and procrastinate because I am overwhelmed by the high walls of my to-do list.

I am trying to recognize what really gives me pleasure in life and focus on those things. I like the small things in life, but I rarely focus on them because I am so focused on my lists. I'm done making to-do lists for the sake of accomplishing something. My planner does a good job with that. I'm just going to do what needs to get done right away and live my life.

SAY NO TO PRO! (CRASTINATION)

Life is really good. I stopped making to-do lists and cleaned everything. Because that was on the to-do list for months. Now, I just have to keep up by putting clothes in the hamper and taking out the trash.

Okay, I just realized that I am the biggest looser because the last couple entries were all something you would see in a "Real Simple" magazine. I'll give you an update that a little deeper:

I need more God in my life. I don't know how. I miss my old church a lot. I miss people that understand me when I talk about God the way I do.

I'm going camping in two days. I love camping.

I need more friends in Grand Rapids. I watch a show on PBS about how the secret to happiness is good relationships.

I'm excited for school to start. (Ha, tomorrow is my last day of summer school and I'm already excited for the fall school year. Me = Nerd)

I love to dance in the mirror.

AHHH. EWWWW!!!

The Happiness I Find In Solitude

2010-08-03T20:44:00.003-06:00

I love this video. Before you read this blog make sure that you watched that video. I believe it's slowly changing my life.

Here is why I love it:

It encourages me to be go out and do things alone. That is very simple. But I don't do it. I realized that being by myself in public - purposefully doing things alone makes me happy. Maybe it's the other half of me that claims I'm an introvert but I get some sort of resounding peace and confidence by being alone.

I feel lazy if I am home and alone with nothing to do. I don't know why I haven't thought of going out and doing something about it. I feel sluggish and end up on facebook for 2 hours and then I am so completely pissed that I wasted a perfectly good night on the internet. And I do the same thing the next night. It really does piss me off. I hate the internet sometimes (I'll have to blog about that latter).

I use to do so many things by myself, and I loved it. I had to ask myself, what changed? And I realized that it was the purchase of my car that forced me to ignore my longing for solitude. I drive from one place to next, always in some sort of hurry - even if hurrying is not necessary. I hate that. Why can't I stop and smell the roses? Instead, I speed and run yellow lights on a daily basis just to get where I'm going the fastest.

Before I bought my car, I use to ride public transportation. I really had a hate/love relationship with the bus system (It should be noted that I rode it for about 8 - 15 hours per week). I hated it because it's public transportation, but I kind of liked it too because it forced me to have so much solitude with strangers. I read a lot of books and listened to many songs while riding. Not only did I have wonderful experiences while riding, but waiting as well. Sometimes I would have half an hour to kill until the next bus would come and that would give me a perfect opportunity to go and explore. I was a photographer then so I took many pictures during that time too.

In conclusion, I am going to give it a whirl. I am going to purposefully spend some time alone doing what I want to do. I have already started. Today I read for an hour and a half in a park that overlooks a portion of downtown Grand Rapids. I loved it. I love the freeing feeling of solitude as I watched people walk around and ease dropped on construction workers conversations. I love adventures alone. It just makes me feel confident, happy, and at peace with the world when I take time for myself. I highly recommend it.

solitude.

yeah.

Epic Fail

2010-07-29T10:09:00.003-06:00

I failed at being simple. How strange does that sound? Why is it so hard to be simple? I mean, seriously. Just to do one thing at time, pick up after myself, and be organized. Gosh, I should've taken a picture yesterday of my bedroom. It was a complete disaster! I got back from camping on Sunday and on Wednesday I still had my tent and all my gear piled in my bedroom. My suitcase was still packed and I was living out of my travel bags for my bathroom. It wasn't fun, and I had time to clean it up. But I didn't cause I just told myself "I'll do it tomorrow."

I really need to figure out a system for when I get back from traveling. Bill Nye lives 3 hours east, so I go to visit him quite often. Meaning that I travel a lot and I need to pack and un-pack a lot. I need a system of keeping my suitcase empty and bathroom bags empty when I am home. Okay, deep down I really know what needs to happen. . . I just need to gulp down and empty the suitcase when I get home. The second I get home. I should make sure that my room is clean before I leave. That would help.

Sorry, I'm rambling.

Case and Point: I'm too lazy to be simple, but that doesn't mean I can't try.

Day 1 of being simple.

2010-07-08T07:47:00.004-06:00

Well, I did step one of my simple living adventure. I cleaned. I really cleaned. I found a spot for everything in my bedroom. I vacuumed. I have no clutter anywhere. Okay, I need to be honest, my car is still a mess. I didn't get a chance to clean it out yet, but I will soon. My mom gave me two huge black garbage bags of 2 liter pop bottles that are taken up my back seat and trunk. I really gotta return those and get my hard earned $5.20.
I started to read The Power of Less.

Thanks Grand Rapids Public Library!

I am learning that it's not good to be busy all time. I waste a lot of time on things I don't even remember doing. I want to stop wasting time doing meaningless tasks, and create meaningful events/tasks.

Something that I thought was interesting is the idea of only creating one goal at time and putting all of your focus into that one goal. I always make "goal lists" or massive to do lists. The book talks about how this isn't good because it's hard to see long term accomplishments. We might do everything on to do list and at the end of the day and it might feel really good, but in the long run it doesn't really matter. It says that we should make one goal at time, and put all our focus into accomplishing that goal.

I really like this idea because I feel too stretched sometimes, and I don't really accomplish anything meaningful. I'm always trying to eat healthy, be organized, exercise, and read my books. But in reality, I'm only doing these things in little bits, not really accomplishing anything significant. But if I were to only focus on be organized, I could probably achieve that goal and turn it into a habit. And then I could move onto my next goal.

Maybe I'm turning zen crazy. I don't care. If this simple thing doesn't help me live a better life then I will move on and blog about spiders or something

The Magic of Simplicity

2010-06-29T18:26:00.003-06:00

I am trying desperately to be more simple now a days. Oh ya know, I'm trying to only buy what I need (mainly food), make my bed everyday, pack less on vacation, take everything out of my car whenever I leave it, and be organized. I love the simple life. But I find it so frinken hard to accomplish. It theory it should be easier, maybe this is true once a habit is formed. But I have trouble creating that habit (well "they" do say "a habit is a hard thing to break"). I am lazy. I like to leave things in my car, and then shove them up into those reusable grocery bags (which I have never used for groceries, opps) and leave them in my bedroom (usually hidden in the top of my closet). It sucks to do that because then I can't find things.

So. What to do, what to do.

I am going to try to be more simple. today. or tomorrow. or after this weekend... No. today. Yes. Today.

Here is what I am going to do:
1) Deep clean car and bedroom: Find a spot for everything, and then put it there. Then vacuum.
2) Take things out of car when ever I am home.
3) Pick up all things and put them in their spot before going to bed. I have trouble with this one because Bill Nye (my boyfriend) and I have scheduled talking time at night. I usually rush to brush my teeth and wash my face to talk to him on time, but this needs change. In my simple life, there shouldn't be any rushing.
5) Do all dishes before bed (this means put them away too).
4) Wash laundry once a week.
5) Also clean bathroom and kitchen once a week.
6) Be 5 minutes earlier to avoid rushing.

So here I gooooo.
Day 1
(hopefully I don't take a nap)

simple.

The Sushi Goal . . .

2010-06-19T14:37:00.005-06:00

was a failure. . . kind of.

I MADE SUSHI. I did it! BUT. It was only okay. I actually tried to make it twice. BOTH times the nori (the dried seaweed) was very chewy. Too chewy. Unpleasently chewy. BUT other than that, it was very good! My rice tasted wonderful. And the flavors blended nicely. I gotta give it another go. The second time I made sushi, I even roasted the nori (by moving across the gas burner for 10 seconds) and it was still very chewy. Ug.

Here's some pictures from the first time:

I was too depressed to pictures the second time. I wish I would have looking at these now. I added a lot more ingredients. These just had cucumber and carrot. But the second time I use crab mean, avocado, cucumber, and cream cheese.

Okay, now I need to move on to some other goals. I forgot what they were already. But there is trouble ahead because I start summer school tomorrow. I will make the time!

Trekaroo

2010-06-13T19:40:00.001-06:00

Hey check out this site!
They are giving away a National Park Pass!
http://blog.trekaroo.com/2010/05/27/national-parks-pass-giveaway/

Old Livejournal

2010-06-11T11:45:00.004-06:00

Remember Livejournal? Those were the days... No myspace or facebook. I don't even think it was called a "blog". I remember the day I learned how to upload photos onto it, I was so excited. I could share words and pictures to the world! I yearned for comments. Now, I have like 7 different accounts across the internet (okay, 3 that I check regularly). But still! I miss the simplicity.

Anywho, I found an old journal entry from livejournal and I wanted to share it on my newest blog.

I was so sad and poor my first few years of college. I rode the bus everywhere! I would ride an 1.5 hours to donate blood and 1.5 back. It took about 45 minutes to an hour just to get to school. It was bloody awful. I lived a 10 minute drive away. I am happy that I own my car now. I think I grew a lot from those crazy, scary, depressing, and poor experiences. Crazy people still creep me out, and I still don't know the appropriate response to talking to them.

O well. I am happy now. I am finically secure (hopefully- cross your fingers that Michigan won't cut any more grants). And I have my future laid out for me.

I do need some God time in life - whatever that means. I'll blog more about that later.

Official One Week into Summer

2010-05-26T10:51:00.005-06:00

I haven't finished unpacking. I pretty much am done. But I have all these random items that don't have a place to go. For instance, where should my spider killing spray go? It needs to go somewhere that I can grab it in case of an emergency. But I don't want to leave it on my desk. Oh my life problems are so hard.

Here is a list of my summer goals:
-Learn how to make Sushi. Become an expert so I can impress all my friends.
-Make a coffee table book. I bought a blank journal, and I want to cut out my favorite articles/things from my favorite magazines (Time, Real Simple). So I can share them with people, and throw away the magazines I don't need.
- Cook 8 different meals from a country that I have never cooked from before, like Korea, Vietnamese, Finnish, Egyptian, Ethiopian, etc etc. . .
- Burn my music on CDs. I want to buy an one hundred pack of CDs and make CDs of the music that I bought online. . . and got from the library.
- At least one big (camping?) trip. Maybe Tennessee or the U.P.
- Sell all my textbooks that I don't need on Amazon.
- Buy a hard drive and back up my photos and music and delete all the extra stuff in hopes of a faster computer.
- And of course, many trips to the zoo, Lake Michigan, friend's houses, and the post office.

So, I will be posting pictures. I am going to be in Minnesota for Rita's wedding over the weekend. And then I might get to see my boyfriend, Andrew (A.K.A. Bill Nye). Yay.

Here comes the sun. . .

It's been a while. . .

2010-05-22T16:11:00.007-06:00

But I'm back!

I love to blog, it's very true.

Here is a quick snapshot of my life:
- Still going to Calvin. I have 2 years until I become a certified teacher.
-Taking summer classes at Grand Rapids Community College.
- Working 3 jobs: Janitor, Nanny, and Math Tutor
- Happily Dating Andrew James Mikolajczak (last name's a killer).
- Just moved into a cute and fantastic apartment in Grand Rapids (off of Michigan and Fuller).

Life has been strange lately. I just got done taking exams and writing really long papers and being stressed 24/7. Now that I am done with that, I don't know what to do with my free time. I have been so busy for so long that I forgot what it's like to have free time. I am going to learn to make sushi. And try to cook many different new things from foreign cultures. AND read. a lot. Oh. Be prepared because you my friends are going to hear all about it.

My sudden urge.

2010-01-28T07:53:00.002-07:00

I have a sudden urge to read all the books in the world.

I feel so behind. I rarely read for pleasure, yet I really like doing it. Watching TV is easier, but I get so much more enjoyment out of a good book.

So here is the book I am reading:

It's good.

More to come. . .

I finally did it!

2009-10-26T09:57:00.002-06:00

I deactivated my facebook.

My next step? Twitter.

Why did I deactivate?

I want more time to focus on my blog. The times I wrote the most was when my facebook was deactivated. I can tell and show people who am through my blog, not a through a series of almost meaningless wall posts and pictures. I really do like facebook for pictures, but I can get over that. I have my own little Canon Powershot now. Also, studies show that students who don't have a facebook do better in college than students who do. And I can believe that. When I am suppose to be studying, I always seem to end up on facebook for hours looking at a friend from high school's pictures of his or her trip to Europe. Which then just invokes feelings of jealousy, envy and loneliness. Also, I am pre-student teaching, and I don't want little high school stalkers. or principal stalkers looking for a picture of me holding a beer just to create some baby mama drama.

So. Here I am. Doing the blog thing.

Yep. . .

Why I am not okay with Obama. . .

2009-09-28T09:48:00.003-06:00

Here is a very interesting article claiming that Obama wants to cancel summer vacation and increase time students spend in school.

Here's the link: More School: Obama would curtail summer vacation

This makes me furious. I can see a little bit how it would make sense. But when applied the cost of it. . . There are so many other things the money can go to. I.E. Smaller classes. I can't believe that his reasoning for wanting more school time is because it's putting them at a disadvantage with other kids around the globe. Since when are we worried about our disadvantage compared to other countries (what happen to NCLB?)? I can understand a little bit because of the Cold War, and the race to space, but I thought that we were over that.

But the cost!? Does Obama not realize the number one way to improve schools is smaller class sizes? Teachers have been demanding this over and over. Like a broken record. It proven that smaller classes produce more learning. But class sizes have been stretched and stretched. One of my classmates is pre-student teaching in a class of 45! What good is extending students time in school if they are still not getting the help and attention they need?

Now the reason we do have our summers off is because of agricultural reasons. And that doesn't really make sense. But there are such bigger issues than extending classroom time that I think Obama needs to be focusing on. Fixing No Child Left Behind should be one of them. Also, a pay increase that he promised teachers during his campaign.

But the most important issue to remind Obama is: Education is a STATE issue, not a national issue. Obama, sorry, but you don't have any power to change the state guidelines for number of hours a student is to spend in a classroom.

Obama is too full of hope. Sure, it would be nice to have some extra time just thrown into schools, but it's just so completely impractical. I feel like Obama saw that other countries education systems are better than ours, so what is the number one difference? --> no summers! So obviously we must rid our system of summer break. Pardon me while I go gag in the corner.

Long story short, it's an okay idea. . . Until you think of the costs. If the money is going to go to the schools than it should someplace else.

Also, I wrote this 20 minutes before class because I was too furious to study for my quiz, so I apologize for missed words and misspellings.

God is not a man.

2009-04-24T09:51:00.000-06:00

My Personality

2009-04-12T10:59:00.003-06:00

Want to know everything about me? Read this.

As an ESFP, your primary mode of living is focused externally, where you take things in via your five senses in a literal, concrete fashion. Your secondary mode is internal, where you deal with things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit with your personal value system.

ESFPs live in the world of people possibilities. They love people and new experiences. They are lively and fun, and enjoy being the center of attention. They live in the here-and-now, and relish excitement and drama in their lives.

ESFPs have very strong inter-personal skills, and may find themselves in the role of the peacemaker frequently. Since they make decisions by using their personal values, they are usually very sympathetic and concerned for other people's well-being. They're usually quite generous and warm. They are very observant about other people, and seem to sense what is wrong with someone before others might, responding warmly with a solution to a practical need. They might not be the best advice-givers in the world, because they dislike theory and future-planning, but they are great for giving practical care. So True!

ESFP is definitely a spontaneous, optimistic individual. They love to have fun. If the ESFP has not developed their Thinking side by giving consideration to rational thought processing, they tend to become over-indulgent, and place more importance on immediate sensation and gratification than on their duties and obligations. They may also avoid looking at long-term consequences of their actions. I procrastinate all the time.

For the ESFP, the entire world is a stage. They love to be the center of attention and perform for people. They're constantly putting on a show for others to entertain them and make them happy. They enjoy stimulating other people's senses, and are extremely good at it. They would love nothing more than for life to be a continual party, in which they play the role of the fun-loving host.

ESFPs love people, and everybody loves an ESFP. One of their greatest gifts is their general acceptance of everyone. I do accept everybody! They are upbeat and enthusiastic, and genuinely like almost everybody. An ESFP is unfailingly warm and generous with their friends, and they generally treat everyone as a friend. However, once crossed, an ESFP is likely to make a very strong and stubborn judgment against the person who crossed them. They are capable of deep dislike in such a situation. I don't know how true this is. . .

The ESFP under a great deal of stress gets overwhelmed with negatives thoughts and possibilities. As an optimistic individual who lives in the world of possibilities, negative possibilities do not sit well with them. In an effort to combat these thoughts, they're likely to come up with simple, global statements to explain away the problem. These simplistic explanations may or may not truly get to the nature of the issue, but they serve the ESFP well by allowing them to get over it. I hate it when people are negative, and I do make global statements a lot. I.E. 'everything is going to be okay' because everything really is going to be okay. That's the way I see it.

ESFPs are likely to be very practical, although they hate structure and routine. They like to "go with the flow", trusting in their ability to improvise in any situation presented to them. They learn best with "hands-on" experience, rather than by studying a book. They're uncomfortable with theory. If an ESFP hasn't developed their intuitive side, they may tend to avoid situations which involve a lot of theoretical thinking, or which are complex and ambiguous. For this reason, an ESFP may have difficulty in school. On the other hand, the ESFP does extremely well in situations where they're allowed to learn by interacting with others, or in which they "learn by doing".

ESFPs have a very well-developed appreciation for aesthetic beauty!!!, and an excellent sense of space and function. If they have the means, they're likely to have to have many beautiful possessions, and an artfully furnished home. In general, they take great pleasure in objects of aesthetic beauty. They're likely to have a strong appreciation for the finer things in life, such as good food and good wine.

The ESFP is a great team player. He or she is not likely to create any problems or fuss, and is likely to create the most fun environment possible for getting the task done. ESFPs will do best in careers in which they are able to use their excellent people skills, along with their abilities to meld ideas into structured formats. Since they are fast-paced individuals who like new experiences, they should choose careers which offer or require a lot of diversity, as well as people skills. Becoming a teacher = every single day will be different. Yay.

ESFPs usually like to feel strongly bonded with other people, and have a connection with animals and small children that is not found in most other types. They're likely to have a strong appreciation for the beauties of nature as well.

The ESFP has a tremendous love for life!!!, and knows how to have fun. They like to bring others along on their fun-rides, and are typically a lot of fun to be with. They're flexible, adaptable, genuinely interested in people, and usually kind-hearted. They have a special ability to get a lot of fun out of life, but they need to watch out for the pitfalls associated with living entirely in the moment.

I think you should take the quiz too! MyType (you need a facebook)

Photos that capture the essence of this girl named "Annie."

2009-04-05T22:34:00.009-06:00

This photo inspired me to do this creative little blog post. This is my new 'thing': to wear my hiking boots with skirts. It's one of those things that I love so much, I honestly don't care what the world thinks of it. It is something that is just so me.

This is the photograph that started it all. I took this photo with my SRL film camera in the passenger seat mirror of a friends car. I wish I could have found it in color, but those sun glasses at ruby red and my finger nails are hot pink. The peace sign fits nicely, as it would in many pictures to come.

I love how big my smile is this picture. I was truly so happy. (By the way, this was taken at a Harry Potter midnight showing)

My dad got me that blue polka dot ring. I will never forget it. Once again, notice the finger nails. Also the "how to be a hippie handbook." I still don't know if I'm a hippie.

I love to dance. This photo shows that. I will dance and sing pretty much anywhere I feel comfortable.

This was taken on the most important day of my life; my baptism. I love God, and though it might be impossible, I feel like this photo shows that. My humble bowing before God as I was about to show the world that I am firm believer in Jesus.

So many details that I love in this photo: white sunglasses, Chipotle, Izze (the orange drink), my purse I got in Seattle, purple Iowa shirt, brown vest, and a smile.

Friends are very important to me. This is me and friend Samantha. We were bored, so we took pictures of ourselves. I had my camera set on a tripod and we ran and laid down in my school's fancy crosswalk. It was a really good time.

I like simple things in life. This lunch was wonderful. Plus, seriously who takes photos of themselves and their boring lunch? Annie Nelson does.

Hands are the thing I'm most attracted to. My hand in this picture looks awesome. And this is just a really good candid(ish) shot.

I want to hike and conquer bigger mountains. I feel powerful in this photo, and accomplished.

There is so much joy in this picture. I love silliness. This photo is a reminder to never stop being silly because it can bring so much joy.

Many people have told me that I have really 'blossomed' since this summer. And I couldn't agree more. I am confident and happy. So much has changed this past year, and it all has been for the better. I can look back on this year and see how much I've grown through my terrible pain. It's such a good realization to know that everything really does work out for the good.

Even though it's hard to see at times, everything truly will be okay.